Hi.
From this essay I can tell that you are a dynamic person. Your essay covers a lot about your habit, your past and your believes. However, I think you need to organize them in order to make the ideas sound coherent. Many sentences needs to be rewritten, such as this one:
jshah: At Babson, the one thing that I look forward to is the diversity of campus life.
I look forward to the diversity of campus life at Babson.
and this one:
jshah: One more thing—I am a shopaholic! I cannot stay away from the smell of newly boxed shoes, tinkling earrings reflecting light from the store, the smooth fabric of dresses on display or the big bold signs that spell S-A-L-E, pulling me toward the store involuntarily.
on display or the big bold signs that spell S-A-L-E that pulls me toward the store involuntarily.
G L~
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