"Difficulty need not foreshadow despair or defeat. Rather achievement can be all the more satisfying because of obstacles surmounted."
I can picture myself four years from now with a Bachelor's in History. Though I knew my future major in freshman year, math class has been that temptress since I was twelve. In the seventh grade my teacher outlined what math classes I could take in high school; the class that caught my eye was AP Calculus B/C. As a twelve-year-old I could wrap my head around algebra, geometry, and even trigonometry, but calculus seemed so immensely complicated and even exotic. I was drawn to this class like a moth to a lamp. I did not expect calculus to come easily to me, I knew that it would be difficult, but I decided not to admit defeat just yet.
My calculus teacher jumped into teaching limits of functions the first day of school. As I furiously copied down the amalgamation of letters and numbers on the board, I thought about how easy it would be just to drop this class and focus on AP US History. However, at the end of the ninety minutes, I did not pick up the drop form. Instead I asked my teacher to explain the concept once more. After that day, math class was never easy, but it was never boring. When difficult concepts came up, I never resorted to neglect or self-pity; I aspired to achieve something that I had dreamed of since the seventh grade.
Neither the score on my AP exam nor the grade in that class can truly depict what I achieved that year. I rose to the challenge and each little concept I learned that year felt like a huge mountain that I was proud to have climbed to the top of.
I am applying to Amherst too and I chose the same prompt.
Here are my comments.
I think the first line has very little, if any, relation with the main idea of the essay.
I did not expect calculus to come easily to me, I knew that it would be difficult, but I decided not to admit defeat just yet.
I think this is a run-on sentence.
Neither the score on my AP exam nor the grade in that class can truly depict what I achieved that year.
What was your AP score? What grade did you get in that class?
Overall, I think your idea is better than the monotonous "little-engine-that-could" essay. However, I think you should improve your organization and wording.
You still have ample time for improvements as the deadline is Jan 1st. Wish you good luck.
Revised edition
There will always be aspects of life that are difficult, but instead of succumbing to failure I find solace in each little hurdle I overcome. History may be my one true love, but math has always been that sly temptress. The clear distinction between right and wrong is incredibly calming. In the seventh grade when I looked at the classes I could take in high school AP Calculus B/C stood out. I could wrap my head around algebra, geometry, and even trigonometry, but calculus seemed so immensely complicated and even exotic. Looking through my father's old calculus textbooks was more than intriguing; I could not have dreamt of a more intricate and beautiful mix of numbers, symbols, and equations. Though I knew that calculus would be far from easy, I did not admit defeat just yet.
On the first day of class my calculus teacher jumped into his first lesson. As I furiously copied down the amalgamation of letters and numbers on the board, I thought about how easy it would be just to drop this class. At the end of class, instead of picking up the drop form, I asked my teacher to explain the concept again. My teacher was delighted that I had asked for help at the beginning; he had said, "It shows character." I thought it revealed my weak math skills, but I later realized that asking for help was the best way to overcome the obstacles step by step. Neither the 5 on my AP exam nor the A in the class truly reflects what I achieved that year. I rose to the challenge and each little concept I mastered felt like a huge mountain.
(280 words, needs to be less than 300)
This is better.
You should try to connect sly temptress and the clear destinction.
Maybe, but I am not really sure, the end would be better if you add something about personal growth,
like how you learned to value challenges.
Would you mind taking a look at my diversity essay?
It is a great essay!!
That you have elucidated on the AP - your score and the like is a good point.
