As long as you know the nature of accounting and audit and you do not want to become a CPA on some misfated whim, I see no reason not to rip into your statement.
One day I wil get this down, but for this particular post, we'll broadly summarize the problems in two categories. That is, we need to get the errors out of the way before looking at the actual content.
When I entered college, my goal was to enter a field where I could analyze large amounts of data and then use that information to provide results like I did at Cencal.
Please review the correct use of "like" and "as." As is the correct word here, since it is joining the clauses.
From there, I will decide whether to pursue a career as a senior accountant at the firm I am employed with or move on to work as an accountant, finance manager or financial analyst at a Fortune 500 company.
Respect the concept of parallelism. I will... or ***I will***
I am convinced that I would be well-prepared to enter accounting if I completed this rigorous program as a result of the aforementioned reasons.
Something sounds off here.
I realized how crucial accuracy in these statements can be to the success of a company and a profound interest in the analysis of financial statements and accounting was developed.
You need a comma here, so that you have two independent clauses joined by a coordinating conjunction, as opposed to the archetypal run on sentence.
You really abused the passive voice without mercy. Count how many times you used "was.."
Avoid all contractions. Your essay is littered with more grammar errors than what it is acceptable, by most forgiving standards. More importantly, the reader can sense when the passive is being used, because it sounds like the author is ducking behind bland testimony of some sort. In short, take some initiative, both by fixing the errors and briefly acquainting yourself with the difference between the passive and active voice. Strive to reword the sentences that adopt a passive tone. Repost, or wait for some additional feedback.