work hard, find the best in each other, and live with confidence.

Coach Carty inspired people to work hard, find the best in each other, and live with confidence. Explain how these values have influenced you with respect to your goals and aspirations or your educational and career objectives.

During my four years at Mahwah High School, I have been blessed to have a coach that has shared the same goals as Coach Carty. His name is Coach Pasek, as a coach he inspired my team to work hard, find the best in each other, and live with confidence. I used to think he was only using these goals to make my team better athletes, but later I learned that these values were supposed to make us better individuals. The values will influence me later in life mainly with my educational and career objectives.
The value of finding the best in each other is the foundation for making any team or club successful and enjoyable. I have had at least have one friend in all of the clubs and teams I am currently involved in. With that friend I was able to experience the ups and downs of that co- curricular activity. For track I would lead by example by pushing myself in practice knowing that my teammates were watching me, showing that they could do the same and reach their potential in the sport. My chosen career of marketing/public relations involves Coach Carty's value of finding the best in each other. In order to be successful in public relations one must master the tools of image management. And in marketing it helps to be a good leader and team player who can understand people.
Living with confidence in sports is important, and is the best way to improve it is by having a positive self image. Coach Pasek was able to teach confidence to his athletes through practice sessions. During the cross country season would tell us that the more you put into practice, the more confidence you build up. And having confidence will make you run faster in meets. When I first found out that the team usually ran 3 miles in practice, I was scared because at that time I could barley run one mile. Through hard work in practice my endurance improved allowing me to run three miles with no problem. Living with confidence is an important value for any career because a manager will only hire someone who is confident.
Hard work pays off is not just a saying it's the truth. The great Michael Jordan said this about hard work "I've always believed that if you put in the work, the results will come." This has been true about my experience with sports. Although I felt exhausted after the workouts given in track practice, I would still go to the weight room and work on either upper body or lower body strength. I also gave up Saturday mornings and the spring break for track practice while most people wouldn't. In order to be successful in either marketing or public relations one must have strong speaking and writing skills. However I'm below average in both of these skills, but I am willing to work hard to overcome it. Both careers excite me because they involve helping a person or a company to be successful for having an appropriate image. The hard work doses not stop there. Next year I will be attending Bergen Community College because my parents are unable to afford tuition from Seton Hall which was my first choice school. I'm determined to work hard there and hopefully transfer into Seton Hall. Coach Carty's values helped me mature into a young man in high school and will continue to benefit me in the future.

I would open the first paragraph with an intro on Coach Carty since the reader may not know who that is.
Coach Carty was ...... . During the four years at Mahwah Hich School, I ...

@michael i dont think such opening is necessary because if you look at the question at the top it says "Coach Carty inspired people to work hard" therefore i assume the markers will know who Coach Carty was.

"Hard work pays off" (need quotation marks) is not just a saying, it's the truth.

The great Michael Jordan said this about hard work As the great Michael Jordan said, "I've always believed that if you put in the work, the results will come."

Though feeling exahsted from the track practice, I would still go to the weight room for futher workout.and work on either upper body or lower body strength (I think this description is unncessary)

wouldn't. would not. (always seperate)

. Next year I will be attending Bergen Community College because my parents are unable to afford tuition from Seton Hall which was my first choice school. (Is there a real need to mention the names of the schools and the fact that you cannot afford your first choice?)

I think with a few adjustments your essay could be stronger.

You switch around a little between verb tenses. It would be easier on the reader if you stuck to the present tense.

During my four years at Mahwah High School, I have been blessed to have a coach that has shares the same goals as Coach Carty. His name is Coach Pasek. As a coach, he inspires my team to work hard, find the best in each other, and live with confidence. At first I thought Coach Pasek was only using these goals to build better athletes, but I now realize that these values are designed to make us better individuals. The lesson learned will influence me throughout my life, and especially with my educational and career objectives.

Don't be intimidated by how much I bled onto the screen! Your essay has strong bones, but it could benefit from some minor tweaking. The prompt gives you a logical order to follow for your essay . . . introduction, paragraph on hard work, paragraph on finding the best in each other/teamwork, paragraph on living with confidence, conclusion. I'm not sure why you did it in a different order.

I'll help some more changing those verbs to present tense if you'd like. There were a few grammatical errors in the later paragraphs, but if you are going to be rewriting, it seems pointless to point them out at this point, *grin*

This is a very nice essay. I think you can improve it by taking out unnecessary words and phrases, like this:

His name is Coach Pasek. as a coach He inspired my team to work...

Whenever you see that you have included words that state the obvious, or state something that has already been stated, chop them! Then, you'll see how much more powerful the writing becomes when it is all said in fewer words.

I see that Eric and Marcel corrected some of your run-on sentences; I hope you can see how to avoid them, now, by dividing them up into two sentences... like this:

"Hard work pays off" is not just a saying. It's the truth.

I just finished advising someone else to do this, but it bears repeating here -- use strong verbs. Read this article, posted elsewhere on this site, for a more detailed explanation: how to choose strong verbs.