Weightlifting - need help with awkward sentences (common app short answer)

Klaw30Threads: 3 Posts: 13	Oct 28, 09, 09:52pm #1
Weightlifting When I hear the expression "carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders" stress and responsibility are not the first words that come to mind. Instead, I feel my knees buckle as I think back to my first experience in the weight room. I unhinged the 135-pound colossus from its tomb and, in an instant, my legs gave out. Had it not been for the safety bars, my face would have collided with the metal bars of the squat machine. Although initially embarrassed and dismayed, I was encouraged by veterans who had been through similar situations. As I continued my workouts, the physical changes quickly became visible, but what I had truly gained remained unseen. I had gained the respect of my peers, developed a strong work ethic and disciplined my mind and body to fight through pain and fatigue. Any advice, corrections and suggestions would be great I thought the "Although initially embarrassed and dismayed, I was encouraged by veterans who had been through similar situations" was awkward and I am not sure how to fix it Thanks! Kevin Lawrence

EF_StephenThreads: - Posts: 280 [Moderator]	Oct 28, 09, 10:56pm #2
Klaw30: I was encouraged by veterans who had been through similar situations You might just reword it a little, like this:I was encouraged thinking that others better than I had been through similar situations. It is all a part of the learning. Does that help? Stephen, EssayForum.com

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