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UT-Topic B: An issue of importance...


Rden 2-8  Nov 28, 08, 11:40am  #
The topic is this: Choose an issue of importance to you-the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope-and write an essay in which you explain the significance of the issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.

It is not completed yet! My last three paragraphs are fuzzy and not worded right to my taste ( I WILL EXPAND MORE), but I would like some suggestions and construtive criticism. If one of the paragraphs doesn't flow right tell me!

P.S
Tell me if my essay fits the quesiton and answers it well.




Okay here it is:



As human beings, dreaming comes naturally to us. We dream when we sleep, during the tedium of everyday life, when we're despaired, etc. But from all those other dreams, there's only one that outshines them all, one that we must never forget. A dream best described by Paulo Coelho in the "The Alchemist" as one's "Personal Legend", our goal in life. This personal legend is a part of us, almost as intrinsic as a code of DNA. Unfortunately, so many people abandon their dreams, never knowing what could've been. That's my issue. It's important for these people to comprehend and discover what they've been missing. I myself, have two good reasons why.

My first is that I believe we lose a part of ourselves when we surrender to life's obstacles rather than pursuing our dream. Just think, there was a time when it meant everything in the world to us. It was our goal, our aspiration, the missing piece of the puzzle. Yet so hastily a person can throw it away, as if it were an unfinished poem that lost its meaning. The person doesn't know it then, but he's just planted a self-destructive seed within himself.

Consider a student whose dream is to play professional basketball. He's a boy from a family who has never graduated, much less attended a university, and their expecting him to follow example. To his family his dream sounds ridiculous, even unrealistic, but he still doesn't stop carrying that hope. During his senior year of high school he feels like he's being hit hard with everything at once. His dad's in jail again, his girlfriend has decided they're better off as "just friends", his GPA isn't high enough for most scholarships, and those acceptance deadlines are coming fast. With a sigh of frustration he kicks his door shut and tells himself maybe it was just a silly dream after all. From that moment on he forgoes the idea of college altogether and decides to take life "easy". Not knowing that it would actually be the opposite.

My second reason concerns the path following your dream takes you. The journey to it isn't by any measure feasible, but if you decide to keep your chin held up high you'll find that life is so much more positive. Those disappointments only sting a thousand times more because you're chasing after something you truly desire. It's just a mountain we must climb.

However, sometimes people find that somewhere along the road that the dream they had so fervently chased after isn't what they had wanted after all.

Think of a little girl whose dream is to become a famous singer. As she transcends from child to young adult she not once loses sight of that goal. Through her hard work and resilience she eventually reaches her goal. She's happy and in a couple of years eventually marries and has her first child. Suddenly, something passes over her. She comes to this revelation that being a mother is more important to her than being a famed singer.

Yes, she could've become a mother first rather than pursuing her dream, but the question of "what if" would've haunted her.

Ultimately, we need to follow our dreams. Though we may not always know what they are yet, we must always carry motivation within us. We should cling to inspiration, faith, and hope because these are what lift us up when we've fallen. Napoleon Hill had it right when he said, "Cherish your visions and your dreams as they are the children of your soul; the blueprints of your ultimate achievements."

Denise Resendez
 
kevin02720 0-16  Nov 28, 08, 11:58am  #
Very profound essay! I think you should add an opening sentence to the beginning of this, and in it you an try to capture the central truth of this essay. Capture it in a single, introductory sentence and put it at the beginning. Good luck!

Here are my revisions:

Consider a student whose dream is to play professional basketball. He is a boy from a family in which no one has ever graduated from, much less attended, a university--and they are expecting him to follow example. To his family, his dream sounds ridiculous, and even unrealistic, but he still does not stop carrying that hope. During his senior year of high school he feels like he's being hit hard with everything at once. His dad is in jail again, his girlfriend has decided they're better off as "just friends," his GPA is not high enough for most scholarships, and those acceptance deadlines are coming fast. With a sigh of frustration he kicks his door shut and tells himself maybe it was just a silly dream after all. From that moment on he forgoes the idea of college altogether and decides to take life "easy." What would actually happen, however, be the opposite.

The second aspect of this issue concerns the path following your dream takes you. The journey to it is not feasible by any measure, but if you decide to keep your chin held high you will find that life can become so much more positive. Those disappointments sting a thousand times more, however, because you are chasing after something you truly desire. It is just a mountain we must climb.

However, sometimes people find that somewhere along the road that the dream that they had so fervently chased is revealed to be different from what they had wanted after all.

Think of a little girl whose dream is to become a famous singer. As she transcends from child to young adult she not once loses sight of that goal. Through her hard work and resilience she eventually reaches her goal. She's happy and in a couple of years eventually marries and has her first child. Suddenly, something passes over her. She comes to this revelation that being a mother is more important to her than being a famed singer.

Yes, she could have become a mother first rather than pursuing her dream, but the question of "what if" would've haunted her.

Ultimately, we need to follow our dreams. Though we may not always know what they are yet, we must always carry motivation within us. We should cling to inspiration, faith, and hope because these are what lift us up when we've fallen. Napoleon Hill had it right when he said, "Cherish your visions and your dreams as they are the children of your soul; the blueprints of your ultimate achievements."


Kevin Matteson
 
Rden 2-8  Nov 28, 08, 12:27pm  #
Thanks so much! I appreciate your input! Check back for another essay I'll be posting up soon.

Denise Resendez
 

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