Uni. of Rochester Supplement, the picture puzzle

125 words limt

2) Rochester students represent many different points of view. Each student constructs an independent study and research plan. Describe what you will contribute to Rochester's diversity of ideas, experiences, and identities. If you can, incorporate a positive past experience where you chose your own learning path, or a negative experience where you wanted to exercise more independence.

To complete the picture puzzle, each piece needed to be put on the right place. I am like one of the pieces of Rochester puzzle. Without my piece of puzzle, it cannot be perfect. Because I am independent, I find my place without anyone's help. And because I am persevering, I don't give up until I find my part. But, just one's independence and perseverance cannot finish the picture. So, each individual's independence and perseverance has to gather together to cooperate in one place for the completeness. When everyone finds the place to be put, we can therefore have complete Rochester Puzzle. Although each piece of puzzle is from all different places, it harmonizes together with each unique characteristic. With my own unique independence and perseverance, I want to find my place in the University of Rochester.

-I was not sure if i was really answering the question.. Did i catch the point of the question?
*It will be pleasure to me if any experts can correct my grammers, styles of sentences. just revise my essay please. thank you :)

I don't think you answered the question "describe what you will contribute to Rochester's diversity..." you only state that Rochester has diversity and did not say what you will contribute to this diversified community.

Also I don't you should say "I am like one of the pieces of Rochester puzzle" because it's sounds like you are sure you will be part of them.

But overall I think your essay is great! Good luck!

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To complete the picture puzzle, each piece needed to be put in the right place.

I am like one of the pieces of the Rochester puzzle.

Without my puzzle piece, it cannot be perfect.

So, each individual's independence and perseverance has to come together to cooperate in one place for the completeness.

When everyone finds [font#FF0000]where they belong,[/font] we can have the completed Rochester Puzzle. Although each piece of puzzle is from all different places, they harmonize together with each unique characteristic.

Your essay is really different and refreshing. Good luck in school.

:)

I think you need a specific example of how you are independent and how you have perseverance, if that is what you are bringing to Rochester.