jiggysmalls: What I meant was that even thought I may not be the most outspoken Puerto Rican, "I'm proud and I'm loud", doesn't mean I haven't faced discrimination because of my ethnicity or because of other personal traits beyond me being Puerto Rican.
But you don't actually say this in your essay. What you do say is this:
jiggysmalls: I never found the need to let the whole world know I'm Puerto Rican
And this:
jiggysmalls: I take pride in, not just my heritage, but more in not limiting myself to common conventions of Puerto Ricans.
And this:
jiggysmalls: I've dealt with discrimination and prejudice at an early age because I'm Puerto Rican.
Any one of these could be a thesis statement at the center of its own essay. However, you have no transitions, nor do your link the ideas or give any sense of how you want the reader to interpret the relationship between these ideas. Hence my comment about the essay seeming a bit random.
Sean, EssayForum.com
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