UCF Essay (bump in the road; why UCF)

1.If there has been some obstacle or "bump in the road," in your academic or personal life, please explain the circumstances.

2.Why did you choose to apply to UCF?


I have been USA for almost 3 years. My English is poor. Please help me! Thanks.


There are a lot of obstacles in everyone's life. Some of them are small, and they will be easy to go through. Some of them are huge; perhaps they might stop you there forever, but if you ever pass them, you will be the one successful.
When I was in the middle school, my teacher recommended me to take higher Math and Science courses. Then I got in a class is total different from I thought. Everyone was older than me. Also, they had already started about two month, and I needed to catch up by myself. It's the roughest time in my entire life. At first I cried, then I found out it was not helpful at all. I told myself that I had no other choices because it's impossible to go back to my original class. The reason is I didn't want. I am the girl who is eager to do well in everything. Also, I am not willing to be left behinds others.
In the next two months, I used as twice time as my classmates used to study. I went to my teachers' rooms to ask them my questions. I concentrated to study what the teachers taught in class. In addition, I made up all the lessons I missed. During that time, I was busier, but I was happier. Time passes so fast. Finally, I passed all my courses with the highest grades. After I go through it all, I know if I ever meet an obstacle again, I will consider it as a foreshowing of my success.
A few weeks ago, I received a postcard from UCF. It says Let UCF Be Your Home. These five words really impressed me. I extremely want to go to a college which gives a feeling of home. Also, it gives a lot of information about UCF and I consider these are exactly what I want.
Shakespeare said there are a thousand Hamlets in a thousand people's eyes. In my opinion, we don't necessarily to get in a best college to be successful in our lives. We are looking for a college that fits you. I think UCF is the best choice for me. In addition, it will be my honor to go to UCF.

Hi Zxcvbnm! =D
In my view, you did a very good job! Your writing is logical and coherent. I like it very much!^^
I just see some simple mistakes:
"Then I got in a class is total different from I thought" => I think you should put "which" after "a class"
"Also, they had already started about two month" => two months
"The reason is I didn't want" => I think that past tense is required in this sentence, so it should be " The reason was that..."
"Also, I am not willing to be left behinds others" => "... lagged behind others" might be better

"I concentrated to study what the teachers taught in class" => "...concentrated on studying..."

"Time passes so fast" => should be "passed". However, you can use "go by" instead ( to avoid the repetition because you use the word "pass" the second time in the next sentence)

Wish you luck! :)

Ah, one thing more, I don't think that "small" can collocate with "obstacle". But I don't know which word is suitable here

Hi, Thuong. Thanks for your help. I have one more problem. I want a endding of my essay. Can you help me?

Everyone faces obstacles. Some of them are small, and they will be easy to go through. overcome Some of them are huge, and perhaps they might derail one's plans entirely. stop you there forever, but if you ever pass them, you will be the one successful.
When I was in the middle school, my teacher recommended me to that I take higher Math and Science courses. Then I found myself in a class that was totally different from what I thought had expected. Everyone was older than me. Also, they had already started about two months prior to me, and I needed to catch up by myself. It was the roughest time of my entire life. At first I cried, then I found out it realized that was not helpful at all. I told myself that I had no other choices because it's it was impossible to go back to my original class. The reason is I didn't want. [The preceding sentence seems unfinished. What didn't you want?] I am the girl who is eager to do well in everything. Also, I am not willing to be left behind by others.
In the next two months, I used as twice time studied twice as hard as my classmates used to study. I went to my teachers' rooms to ask them my questions. I concentrated on studying what the teachers taught in class. In addition, I made up all the lessons I missed. During that time, I was busier, but I was happier. Time passed so fast. Finally, I passed all my courses with the highest grades. After going through all this, I know if I ever meet an obstacle again, I will consider it as a foreshadowing of my success.

That clears up some of the grammatical issues with your first essay. For your second essay you need to add more. What, specifically, makes UCF appeal more to you than any other university? Do they have specific professors you would like to study with, or specific programs you are interested in, for instance?