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Essay Forum / Undergraduate Admission Essays /

UCF Burnett Honors College

xoxoheartx3Threads: 4
Posts: 11
 Jan 7, 09, 11:06am   #1
Please answer your chosen question succinctly, but with eough detail for us to get a good glimpse at the person behind the grades and test scores. You should be creative with your answer; you can tell us about your dreams, yourself, your family, your school, your pet, or anything else that you think will allow us to know you better.

Prompt: It is Tuesday, March 14th, year 2028. Please describe the entries in your appointment book for the day


Please read my answer and tell me what I am missing and how I can improve it. I feel that the last part of my answer can use some help but I do not know what I can do to it to make it better. Thank you so much!


------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------

After eating dinner and catching up with the characters in the latest novel that I am reading I grabbed my planner to check what is in store for me tomorrow. I flipped to March 14, 2028 and was surprised to find that I was off from work. I have been working so much lately that my friends and parents have called me a workaholic. It is not because I am a greedy person and want to work so much in order to get money but I sincerely do love what I do. Ever since I saw my cousin Erin walking across the stage at her graduation I knew that I wanted to become a pharmacist. Not only do I get to learn how different medications work but I also get the chance to help others in the process. Through medications I get the opportunity to heal people and make sure that their health is in tip top shape.
Of course, even though I am not working tomorrow I still have a ton of things to do. The first line in my planner says "6:00 A.M. – Workout at the gym." Even though I dread waking up so early in the morning when I do not have work I try my best to keep myself healthy. I want to live a long a life and be able to tell my grandkids stories of all the things that I have gone through.
After my morning workout my planner says "9:00 A.M. – Lunch with Heather and Kelli". Even though my friends and I live very different lives and have very busy schedules we make it so that we have breakfast with each other at least once a week. Being together gives us an opportunity to unwind and talk about our life, family, work, and everything else in between.
The next line in my planner says "1:00 P.M. – Apartment hunting." During pharmacy school I was able to juggle my school work and a part-time job at the same time so I was able to save enough money to rent an apartment all for myself. I have been living here for about four years now and I feel that it is time for a change. Besides living three hours away from my family is not working for me. Growing up my family were the people that molded and shaped me into the person that I am today and I want to be there for them whenever they need help. Therefore when I go apartment shopping tomorrow I am going to look for places that are not that far away from them (but then again not that close either).
Speaking of my family, I quickly jotted down a note for myself reminding me that my parents have called me to ask if I can stop by for dinner at 6:00 P.M. after I am done looking at places. I cannot wait to see them, after a long hectic week it will be nice to spend some time with my parents and little brother. "Ring-ring!" Looking at the caller ID I see that it is my work that is calling me, probably someone calling me to ask if I can take over their shift one day and after answering the phone I was right. Stacy from work wanted me to take her day shift two days from now because she had a doctor's appointment. Thinking about how my family and friends have called me a workaholic I hesitated to say yes but then again I do love working as a pharmacist.

Ashley N.
 
EF_ConstanceThreads: -
Posts: 240
 Jan 7, 09, 11:44am   #2
After eating dinner and catching up with the characters in the latest novel that I am reading, I grabbed my planner to check what is in store for me tomorrow. I flipped to March 14, 2028 and was surprised to find that I was off from work. I have been working so much lately that my friends and parents have called me a workaholic. It is not because I am a greedy person and want to work so much in order to get money, but I sincerely do love what I do. Ever Since I saw my cousin, Erin, walking across the stage at her graduation, I knew that I wanted to become a pharmacist. Not only do I get to learn how different medications work, but I also get the chance to help others in the process. Through medications, I get the opportunity to heal people and make sure that their health is in tip top shape.


Even though I dread waking up so early in the morning when I do not have work, I try my best to keep myself healthy.

After my morning workout my planner says "9:00 A.M. – Breakfast with Heather and Kelli". Even though my friends and I live very different lives and have very busy schedules, we make it so that we have breakfast with each other at least once a week.

The next line in my planner says "1:00 P.M. – Apartment hunting." During pharmacy school, I was able to juggle my school work and a part-time job at the same time so I was able to save enough money to rent an apartment all for myself. I have been living here for about four years now, and I feel that it is time for a change. Besides, living three hours away from my family is not working for me. Growing up, my family were the people that molded and shaped me into the person that I am today, and I want to be there for them whenever they need help. Therefore, when I go apartment shopping tomorrow, I am going to look for places that are not that far away from them (but then again not that close either).

Looking at the caller ID, I see that it is my work that is calling me, probably someone calling me to ask if I can take over their shift one day. and. after answering the phone. I was right.

Thinking about how my family and friends have called me a workaholic, I hesitated to say yes, but then again I do love working as a pharmacist.

Great job! I really liked this. A few stylistic issues, but great! If you do not have a word count, I would end with you calling your parents to reschedule....you don't want to blow your parents off! :)

Constance, EssayForum Contributor
 
xoxoheartx3Threads: 4
Posts: 11
 Jan 8, 09, 04:44pm   #3
thank you so much! i'll finish off my essay with me calling my parents. thank you again!

Ashley N.
 

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