Hello, I'm going to have to be sending in my UC College Applications To Berkeley, LA, San Diego, and Santa Barbara very soon and I've got an old essay which I wanted a little feedback on. I already have the first essay prompt complete and am satisfied but have been wanting to write a completely new one in place of this one for the second prompt, though being a bit lazy I might as well see what other's think.:
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?
Basically, I was wondering:
~if this properly responds to the prompt.
~how well written it is.
~what improvements could be made.
Personally, I'm doubtful of it so please do not hesitate to be very critical.
Thanks in advance to anyone taking the time to read it!!!
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"Fifteen-forty.."
"One more point." I reassured myself. Should I simply block the ball back over the net?
Do I attack? Without warning, the ball spun off my opponent's racquet, kicking off the
corner of the service line out of reach. "Thirty-forty.", my opponent called out. It was still
my advantage, but could I really win? What if I lost the next point? At least it was close...
In no time at all, my lead had reversed and the match was over, as was the league
championships tournament for me.
Following my defeat, I pondered how my opponent had remained so calm, so collected.
Despite having developed my athletic skills for tennis, I utterly lacked the most important
part: the mental aspect. It was soon after I realized an essential piece to tennis that would
form the foundation for a new outlook on my game on the courts, but which would extend
to reshape my character and perspectives off the court.
Within a match, despite however well developed one's strokes may be, the true key to
winning a decisive match lies within a players mind. Similar to attaining success in life and
in education, one has to have a course of action, always thinking ahead of time. Beginning
to attain a mentally developed game, certain traits also seemed to describe what the game
meant to me now: diligence, concentration, motivation, competitiveness, and most
importantly- confidence. From the game of tennis, these key characteristics went on to
define myself not only as a tennis player, but as a scholar.
Having always been successful in school, for a period grades came to mean nothing more
to me than a GPA. While winning a match easily in tennis is gratifying, extracting my full
potential proves most rewarding. With my overall mentality linked to tennis, simply doing
"well" in school was not enough for me. I now wanted to exceed above other students; I
wanted to achieve the best I could and receive no more or less than what my effort earned.
Drawing upon the aspects critical to develop as a tennis player, I improved as a student.
What became important to me was not necessarily to solely be the best, but aspiring to do
my best in everything I could.
The resolution to my defeat is now easily apparent. My opponent had the confidence that
he could and would win, the motivation to do so, and was willing to put everything into
doing so. Doubts to my own success can only lead to losing to myself. Well said by
Christine Evert, a US tennis player: "You've got to take the initiative and play your game;
in a decisive set, confidence is the difference." From the sport, into life I take with me a
refined sense of confidence and a toughened mental game.
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I'd honestly love as much of anyone's thoughts as possible so feel free to tell me whatever's on your mind whether it be advice, a criticism, or new ideas for this or an entirely rewritten essay.
Thanks again,
~~Reprieve
Echizen Ryoma
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