UC #1 Family influence: Bioengineering

Prompt #1 (freshman applicants)
Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school — and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

As I stood on a sidewalk, I stared up, puzzled, at the strange metal spikes above the hanging sign. My older brother, a sophomore in college majoring in Biomedical Engineering, had challenged me to figure out the use of these metal spikes. I closed my eyes and let the image soak in. In my mind, I imagined the contraption put to use. People are too short for a direct impact. Birds, however, could fly and reach it, but why would a bird want to land on spikes? Then, it all became clear. These spikes were there precisely to prevent birds from perching on top and excreting that liquid white deposit, which could then land unwelcomingly on a passerby. I told my brother excitedly and he nodded in approval as he pointed out another curious object for me to decipher. Proud and delighted, I could not help but smile as I examined the next object. While it may seem strange to some, this 'game' is commonly played in my family. Even at the dinner table, we are often reflecting on a question, like why bowls are round, and not square. I am constantly pushed to find the answer through careful speculation. Motivated to reflect when I view an object, I speculate about how and why it works; my brain works like an engineer's. In math class, when our teacher first utilized the electronic touch screen Smart Board, I not only gazed in awe along with my classmates, but I wondered how a machine could create lines and colors in response to a single touch. Maybe it is genetic; after all both my parents are engineers, and my brother is studying to become one. These influences and experiences have shaped my aspirations for engineering, particularly Bioengineering. This field appeals to me because it connects engineering to humans in a most intimate way. I hope to help the development of an artificial limb with motor nerves or a prosthetic eye for patients with glaucoma. My family and their consistent curiosity of the world have influenced me, shaping my dreams of bioengineering.

Do you think my essay jumps around too much? Is there something I should concentrate more on? Any feedback would be greatly appreciated!

you may seperate the main paragraph...
and it isn't long enough. there's still space to develope how they shaped your dream.
only my individual opinion..

I felt puzzled as I stared up at the strange ...

In my mind, I imagined the contraption

Maybe use a different example, someting other than "why are bowls round?" Use a complex, fascinating example instead.

I hope to help the development of an artificial limb with motor nerves or a prosthetic eye for patients with glaucoma.----> excellent, very important! Write less of the vague ideas about your general interests, and write more about this specific one. Go read 2 articles about what is happening with it, and cite the work of the authors. Make a predicition about what advancements will have taken place when you graduate... give more details about this.

:)