Hello everyone,
that is the esssay topic ^
thanks a lot:
I did not want it to end the way it did; and the frightening reality is they will never know the truth. Just the bare thought of it brings tears to my eyes. I feel both regret and hatred, but I still forgive them. The next day, I am reminded of it again. Sorrow. Grudge.
Forgiveness.
Did I deserve all this stress, this burden? How could this possibly happen to me out of twelve-hundred other school mates? Why am I the one? The thought comes back and attacks me time to time.
"You did it. Don't lie. I'm going to report you," a classmate said as he approached me.
"Do what," I chuckled, skeptically.
"Don't give me that."
I felt a sudden pang that stiffened my entire body, turning my fingers and toes cold.
It was only two days after we had written our mid-term exams, and no motivation drove me to think about the recent accusation. I was quite relaxed during the time and wanted nothing to ruin it; I was a feather.
I was not expecting the storm.
I found myself confronting a group of students in the hallway. They displayed the same facial expression as the classmate I spoke to the other day, and when their eyes met mine, I knew right away that they were not happy about something. It's got to be me. I tried finding a way out of the imminent trouble but there just wasn't anyway; I was just going to have to face it whatever it was.
"You sure? We're pretty certain it's you. You wrote that on the bathroom wall. It can be no one else but you."
Rumor had it that I wrote two names of a boy and a girl using a permanent marker on the bathroom wall with a heart drawn in between them. They "narrowed everything down" to one suspect me. I was both shocked and disappointed and not a word came out of my mouth. I knew a few people in the small clique. They were my friends yesterday today my enemies.
I was swept over by insomnia that night and I began reflecting on my day, closing my eyes, like I have always done after every long, arduous day. I clenched my teeth and soon was in agony. I don't want to go somewhere where people pick on innocent people. What evidence do they even have? How dare they? Where did I go wrong? It was a long night full of questions.
The next day went by as expected. And the next day, then the next day.
The day came when my father announced that he, my mother, brother, sister and I would move out of country for his job to a new territory called Canada. I was excited by the news, imagining all the new friends I would meet at a new school; but deep down inside, there was something else behind the back of my head that was telling me that I actually did not want to leave.
Yet.
I can't leave now. They must know. There has to be a way to convince them. But how? I'm going to tell the teachers. No. Do I tell them directly that I'm not the one? No, they're not going to buy that. How dare they accuse me? My mind was racing like a guinea pig in an everlasting spinner in a sturdy cage. I did not have an answer.
I found myself on the plane a couple days after the incident and still did not have a solution. The plane began racing and so did my thoughts. There was no turning back now. It was too late. That was it.
I look back into the past every so often and realize that I have memories I want to remember and memories I don't want to remember just as anyone else does. Sometimes I wish I could just rewind my life into the past and relive it. If I had the chance, if only I could find them all right now. It has been five years since the incident and no, they will never find out. They will know me as the "guilty" one for as long as they can remember. Oh David, that pathetic guy.
Those were the times.
Why? I realize now that the amount of pain someone can experience when falsely accused can be devastating. It will linger on a person's mind for as long as it can if it is not dealt with. The victim will slowly deteriorate. The victim will shrink. The victim will be shunned.
I find myself accusing my friends now and then when they hurt my feelings. I look into their eyes and I am not surprised by what I see. I see dejection. I see disagreement. I see resentment. I can see that you are hurt. I can see that you are mad at me right now. A sense of D้jเ vu ensues.
I often think, 'Sorrow because they hurt me, grudge because they humiliated me.
But forgiveness because they've taught me something, although in a rather unorthodox way,' when I find myself lamenting the experience.
I embrace my past experience and anticipate its continual nurturing in me throughout the rest of my life journey.
Any weaknesses, strengths? THANKS SO MUCH
David Jae