Syracuse Supplement (aspirations + work experience)

1. What are your career and academic aspirations?

2. What paid work experience have you had and what skills and/or knowledge did you gain

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I remember opening my first computer with my uncle at the age of 10. I was so astonished to see all these little chips that connected to each other in order to make the computer work. My uncle, who is only five years older than me was always into hands on with computers in order to have them operate. My uncle gave me the opportunity to learn about computers by watching everything he did. Even though I did not know much about computers, our bond has allowed me to look at him as a role model and this made me want to study computers more. I have always wanted to build my own computer and as I got older around the age of 15, my goal of building my computer was complete. My passion for computers allowed me to assist anyone who needed help repairing, updating or building a computer at no cost. This is where I realized I wanted to become a computer engineer or a computer administrator.
My eyes opened when an engineer came to my job to fix computers from I.B.M. As we discussed his profession he then started to name many known universities/colleges throughout the country. Syracuse was one that stood out to me and this eager me to get more information on its wonderful engineering academics. The college of Engineering and Computer Sciences at Syracuse has many wonderful aspects that would allow my future as a computer engineer to be successful giving me the ability to discover.
Early March of 2008 when I had turned 18, I was ready to become independent. It was my duty as man of the house to help out. I applied to Abercrombie & Fitch, and this job made me responsible, independent and mature. I worked five-hour shifts, four days per week while completing my senior year. This job gave me the opportunity to look at the world as college students. I was ready to apply for credit cards, get my driver's license and become independent so that I would have an experience of what was ahead of me. Very few students around me had the opportunity to experience this; their parents spoiled most of them. My job gave me the mentality to be around a diverse community to work together and also made me independent.

one of the most important things i learned from writing public essay is not to offend anyone, especially to coincide with others' opinions.
to me, you shouldn't say that your experience is very unique and one of the best, because this is not for you to decide. it's the readers who critic about the essay. so try not to make your essay sound arrogant.

angela

where do i criticize>?

My uncle, who is only five years older than I am, was always into hands-on with computers in order to have them operate.

I have always wanted to build my own computer, and as I got older, around the age of 15, my goal of building a computer was complete.

This was when I realized I wanted to become a computer engineer or a computer administrator.


My eyes were opened when an engineer from I.B.M. came to where I work to fix the computers.

Syracuse was one that stood out to me, and made me eager for more information on its wonderful engineering academics.

This job gave me the opportunity to look at the world as a college student. I was ready to apply for credit cards, get my driver's license and become independent so that I would have an experience of what was ahead of me. Very few students around me had the opportunity to experience this; their parents spoiled most of them. My job gave me the mentality to be around a diverse community to work together and also made me independent.

Good luck in school!

:)

Very few students around me had the opportunity to experience this; their parents spoiled most of them. My job gave me the mentality to be around a diverse community to work together and also made me independent.

this bit is i think what angela was referring to. Its making you sound like everyone else around you is useless people who are all spoilt while you are in the middle of all that becoming all hero like. and your next sentence makes it sound as if you're differnet to all of them in an arrogant way.

everything else is alright, just this bit. Fix it up and you should be sweet.