Statement Of Purpose for Imperial university U.K.

Please .. I need some help .. I have to write a statement of purpose ... for Imperial university U.K. ... Review my essay and give me suggestions ..

My beginning is tame .. please provide help so that I have a dynamic beginning ...

MY SOP


I lost my father who was in the IAS at the age of two. I grew up under the care of a single mother. She worked hard enough as a high school teacher to provide me and my brother with good education. When my father had passed away I had not even started my education. I could not envision any future for myself and sincerely doubted whether I would even graduate from school. It looked like such a distant dream. I grew up greatly valuing the gift of education. While traveling to school every morning, on many occasions, my thoughts were filled with the desire to become able enough to help those children who were not fortunate enough to receive the education they deserved and needed. Today, I sincerely believe, through my own experience that the only way to imbibe self belief in our deprived children and to give them a better future is to provide them with good education. I have been doing some volunteering work for the SMILE foundation in my home town Delhi for the past two years.

My ten years of schooling at Air Force Bal Bharati School formed foundation of my personality as I learnt through various mediums and forums, from the innumerous opportunities the school had to offer. Having been the prefect in junior class, I was awarded the Gold medal in National Maths and Science Olympiad for an All India 17th rank in the year 2002. I also had the privilege of being a part of the rich cultural activities the school staged. As part of the Theatre Club, I acted as Brutus in Julius Caesar.

As Captain, Nalanda House in grade 9 and 10, I organized various inter-house debates and declamation competitions and coordinated the 2005 Sports meet; the house was acknowledged as the Best House by the Principal. I was awarded the Amrithalingam Award for the best student in class 10th in Social Science.

I appeared for the Central Board of Secondary Education, CBSE, 2007 and secured an aggregate of 94.8% and 95.4%, calculated as per CBSE norms, considering marks best five academic subjects. I opted for Physics, Chemistry, Mathematics Computer Science and English for my high school at Delhi Public School, R.K.Puram, which has been ranked the best school of India by IMRB survey.

As Editor of the English Editorial Board, I organized various writing competitions and had the privilege of meeting and interviewing the innumerous high dignitaries. As Computing in charge for International Press in DPS MUN, I earned a lot of respect and knowledge from my colleagues and the high dignitaries associated with the conference. I was awarded the Certificate of Merit for Excellence in Creative Writing Skills for the academic year 2007-2008.

I taught Science and Technology to students from the Economically Weaker Section at DPS Anubhav Shiksha Kendra and I could see a visible change during the course of my involvement with them.

It was hence I decided to lay the establishment of an NGO, to educate and bring up the underprivileged children whose dreams and lives often succumb to misery with most of them being forced to take up beggary. I aspire to join the Indian Civil Service. A career with the civil services, gives the authority to bring about policy reforms along with the independence to implement certain objectives towards the welfare of the people at large.

I look forward to pursuing my goals with the profound educational and cultural opportunities your esteemed university has to offer. I would like to do my major in Engineering and then pursue an MBA from a good business school which would allow me to stand in good stead for my aspired career in the Indian Civil Service.

I lost my father who was in the IAS at the age of two. I grew up under the care of a single [parent] mother. She worked hard enough as a high school teacher to provide me and my brother with [a]good education. When my father had passed away I had not even started my education. I could not envision [a]any future for myself[,] and sincerely doubted whether I would even graduate from [a]school. It looked like such a distant dream. I [therefore]grew up greatly valuing the gift of education[greatly]. While traveling to school every morning, on many occasions, my thoughts were filled with the[a] desire to become able enough to help those children who were not fortunate enough to receive the education they deserved[,] and needed. Today, I sincerely believe [from]through my own experience[,] that the only way to imbibe[build] self[confidence] belief in our [country's] deprived children and to give them a better future[,] is to provide them with [a]good education. I have [also]been doing some volunteering work for the SMILE[.....] foundation in my home town Delhi[,] for the past two years.

Hey .. Thanks a lot Rajiv ... please tell me some more words or phrases which i could include so that the reader is tuned to its frequency from the beginning to its end...

and tell me how i could work on my ending ?

My ten years of schooling at Air Force Bal Bharati School[,] formed [the] foundation of my [education,]personality as I learnt through various mediums and forums [and] from the innumerous opportunities the school had to offer. Having been the prefect in junior class, I was awarded the Gold medal in National Maths and Science Olympiad[,] for an All India 17th rank in the year 2002. I appeared for the Central Board of Secondary Education, CBSE, 2007 and secured an aggregate of 94.8% and 95.4%, calculated as per CBSE norms, considering marks [of the]best five academic subjects. I opted for Physics, Chemistry, Mathematics Computer Science and English for my high school at Delhi Public School, R.K.Puram, which [is] has been ranked the best school of India by IMRB survey.

[I was the prefect in junior class and also] had the privilege of being a part of the rich[participated in many] cultural activities the school staged. As part of the Theatre Club, I acted as Brutus in Julius Caesar.

As Captain, Nalanda House in grade 9 and 10, I organized various inter-house debates and declamation competitions and coordinated the 2005 Sports meet; the house was acknowledged as the Best House by the Principal. I was awarded the Amrithalingam Award for the best student in class 10th in Social Science.

As Editor of the English Editorial Board, I organized various writing competitions and had the privilege of meeting and interviewing the numerous high dignitaries. As Computing in charge for International Press in DPS MUN[... ...] , I earned a lot of respect and knowledge from my colleagues and the [other]high dignitaries associated with the conference. I was awarded the Certificate of Merit for Excellence in Creative Writing Skills for the academic year 2007-2008.

I taught Science and Technology to students from the Economically Weaker Section at DPS Anubhav Shiksha Kendra[,] and I could see a visible change during the course of my involvement with them.


[My goal is to] It was hence I decided to lay the establishment of an NGO, to educate and bring up the underprivileged children whose dreams and lives often succumb to misery[,] with most of them being forced to take up beggary. I aspire to join the Indian Civil Service. A career with the civil services, gives the authority to bring about policy reforms[,] along with the independence to implement certain objectives [aimed]towards the welfare of the people at large.

I look forward to pursuing my goals with the profound educational and cultural opportunities your [highly]esteemed university has to offer. I would like to do my major in Engineering[,] and then pursue an MBA from a good business school[,] which would allow me to stand in good stead for my aspired career in the Indian Civil Service.

Gaurav, glad to be of help to you. I have only polished the language a bit. The moderators here are better equipped to tell you about the structure and content. You'll hear from them shortly

In the meanwhile...why don't you put up a corrected version ?

...to provide me and my brother with good educations.

Well, to improve it you need to give it an intro paragraph that tells the main theme. You have a VERY powerful theme of overcoming adversity and transforming your father's sacrifice, your mother's hard work, your own hard work -- into success that will benefit others. After the loss of your father, your mother provided you with opportunities despite her difficulties. You, in turn, determined to, "educate and bring up the underprivileged children whose dreams and lives often succumb to misery with most of them being forced to take up beggary." This is wonderful.

Now, express that in an intro paragraph. Le the first paragraph (above) become paragraph 2. This is going to be a great essay. At the end, on the conclusion paragraph, reflect on the idea of your mother's hard work benefiting you and your hard work benefiting the underprivileged of the world.