Stanford Essay #2 (What your freshman roommate should know about you)

Please feel free to comment! :D

Please forgive me if my writing is bad.


Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. What would you want your freshman roommate to know about you? Tell us something about you that will help your roommate – and us – know you better.


REMOVED

so far i can only suggest editing the second paragraph where you talk about making up for a chemistry test and then suddenly jump to friendship. You should bridge the two topics together more smoothly.

For example, "For the next test, I would revise for days to compensate for the low marks from my previous assessment. This is comparable to my treatment of friendship; If I unintentionally hurt my friends..... "

this way its more clear that you are drawing a parallel between chemistry and friends

I also suggest explaining how good or bad a level 6 is compared to a perfect score.


Other than that I'd definitely want to be your roommate. You sound mature in terms of handling strained relationships and I'll get to have free food :)

Thanks wesley! :D

I owe you a lot. The help you have given me is incredible.

If I get in, I'll definitely thank you first! ;)

Here is the edited version.

Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. What would you want your freshman roommate to know about you? Tell us something about you that will help your roommate – and us – know you better.

REMOVED

Any comments and feedback for my draft?

From my experience of attending conferences and sleeping in dormitories where nobody knows each other, and also from advice given by my friends at college, I have come to understand that the relationship between the student and his or her roommate is a very important factor in how well the student adapts to college life. Although the majority of international students will find it hard to adapt to new, multi-cultural surroundings, I am a minority.
An important factor in relationships is conscientiousness. However, there are times when one accidentally hurts others feelings. Even though I am one of the top chemists in my year, I sometimes make slip ups. Many students would simply do nothing about it and hope that they get better on the next test without serious revision....

I changed "generosity" to "conscientiousness," because generosity has little to do with the rest of that paragraph.

I hope that helps!! You do a good job of presenting yourself in a positive light.

:)

Thanks Kevin! :D

I always love the advice and help you give to me and all members of this forum! :D:D

Here is the edited version!

From my experience of attending conferences and sleeping in dormitories where nobody knows each other, and also from advice given by my friends at college, I have come to understand that the relationship between the student and his or her roommate is a very important factor in how well the student adapts to college life. Although the majority of international students will find it hard to adapt to new, multi-cultural surroundings, I am a minority.
An important factor in relationships is conscientiousness. However, there are times when one accidentally hurts others feelings. Even though I am one of the top chemists in my year, I sometimes make slip ups. Many students would simply do nothing about it and hope that they get better on the next test without serious revision. However, if I get below a level 6 in my IB chemistry test, I would be disturbed for days, evaluating what went tragically wrong. For the next test, I would revise for days to compensate for the low marks from my previous assessment. This is comparable to my treatment of friendship; if I unintentionally hurt my friends by offending their beliefs and values, I never leave the relationship to deteriorate further. Instead, I would make up for the harm by apologizing, and taking him or her out for a meal.
Although I envy local Koreans for their purely Korean setting, I always remain proud of my truly international background. As a result, I have interacted with people from a variety of cultures. Stanford is an international university that has students from around the world and so my roommate will no doubt be a non-Korean. Because of my rich experience of communicating with people from all around the world, enjoying college with my roommate will come as nothing close to a genuine challenge.

Please check on whether my edited version is OK. Any types of additional comments welcome!

Any advices for my edited version?