Short answer-desire for a particular kind of learning, community, and future

Question 1. How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire for a particular kind of learning, community, and future? Please address with some specificity your own wishes and how they relate to Chicago.

NAME is Common Application ID number _________. I am a number. I am another application in a stack of hundreds. I can only hope and dream that double spaced 12 point font can fully portray the extent of my ambitions and essence of who I am, but only my family members- all 200 of them- know me well beyond an application number. They will tell you that I am the girl who bursts out laughing in dead silence, builds Rubens' Tube for fun, or cries when her dad eats her pet lobster. Thus, I am searching for an extended family within the University of Chicago that can provide me with an academic, supportive and quirky community. The University of Chicago's multitude of student centers and laboratories from the Reynolds Club to the Fermilab encourages me to perceive the campus as a playground for intellectuals.

The University of Chicago's Common Core requires students to build a strong foundation in math, science, humanities, and language- nurturing its students to become a true renaissance man or woman. However, the curriculum also allows for independent endeavors which gives me the opportunity to capitalize on my natural aptitude for math and science by exploring engineering. I will be able to satiate my curiosity for the natural world and to discover all the possibilities that it contains, whether it be developing the next transistor or finding a cure for hiccups. Whether I am a student at University of Chicago or at a local community college, I am still not simply Common Application ID number ________. I am a young woman striving for the extraordinary, living my life without inhibitions hoping to encounter a little thing called happiness.

Interesting opening which leads naturally to your point about coming from a large (200??) family. What does it mean to come from such a big family? I would have liked to learn more about that aspect of your life.
Your examples are a bit bizarre to me (like the adjective "quirky" u used for the U Chic. community.) Be sure it conveys the impression of you that you intended (are you sure that U Chic likes to be seen as quirky??) Also, not sure the verb usage here (in red) is appropriate. Likewise, be sure that your perception (of all these facilities as a playground for intellectuals) will not be received badly by the Admissions Officer reading your essay.

"The University of Chicago's multitude of student centers and laboratories from the Reynolds Club to the Fermilab encourages me to perceive the campus as a playground for intellectuals."

NAME is Common Application ID number _________. I am a number. I am another application in a stack of hundreds. I can only hope and dream that double spaced 12 point font can fully portray the extent of my ambitions and essence of who I am, but only my family members- all 200 of them- know me well beyond an application number. They will tell you that I am the girl who bursts out laughing in dead silence, builds Rubens' Tube for fun, or cries when her dad eats her pet lobster. Thus, I am searching for an extended family within the University of Chicago that can provide me with an academic, supportive and quirky community. The University of Chicago's multitude of student centers and laboratories from the Reynolds Club to the Fermilab only verifies my perception of the campus as a playground for intellectuals.

The University of Chicago's Common Core requires students to build a strong foundation in math, science, humanities, and language. It nurtures its students and encourages them to become true renaissance men and women. However, the curriculum also allows for independent endeavors which will give me the opportunity to capitalize on my natural aptitude for math and science by exploring engineering. I will be able to satiate my curiosity for the natural world by discovering all the possibilities that it contains, whether it be by developing the next transistor or finding a cure for thehiccups. Whether I am a student at University of Chicago or at a local community college, I am still not simply Common Application ID number ________. I am a young woman striving for the extraordinary, living my life without inhibitions hoping to encounter a little thing called happiness.



I'm not too fond of the first sentence, because I think Chicago tends to pride itself on the fact that it does NOT think of its applicants as mere numbers. I understand it transitions into your next point, but I think it's a tad unnecessary.

Same goes for this sentence: "Whether I am a student at University of Chicago or at a local community college, I am still not simply Common Application ID number ________."

Just putting University of Chicago in the same sentence as "community college" is an indirect insult. It makes it seem as though your application pool consists of several community colleges and University of Chicago, all of which you perceive to be at the same level. Of course, you obviously don't think that way, but you might want to consider changing it around a bit.