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Short Answer on Common App + WPI SHORT ANSWER NEED REVISION


Ninja 3-12  Nov 6, 09, 04:05am  #
Hi everyone I would like to thank you in advance for taking a look at my essay! THESE SHORT ANSWERS NEED UR HELP!
1, the word limit for the WPI short answer is 650 letters. I feel that I still have redundancy here but I don't know what to do with it.

===WPI SHORT ANSWER===
PROMPT: HOW DID YOU BECOME INTERESTED IN WPI?
ANSWER:

My heart raced the minute I saw the IMGD program. In my research of the exat major in top universities' curriculum, WPI is the only one to list it as a specialized subject. Exploring the website, I know that I can satisfy my apetite to enhance my creativity in this field that I am fanantically passionate about and learn from experts and, hence, to succeed. "Awesome!" As I browsed through the programs and students' blogs, I couldn't help feeling so lucky that I found an ideal place to enrich my undergraduate experience. Talking to a student, Matt, I was influenced by his love for this school. Now I'm ready, too, to spread the WPI passion.

THE ABOVE IS ALMOST 650 CHAR.

===COMMON APP SHORT ANSWER==
PROMPT:PLEASE ELABORATE ON ONE OF YOUR ACTIVITIES (JOB,HOBBY,ETC)
WORD LIMIT:150 WORDS
ANSWER:

I would describe my job of testing newly developed games "extremely valuable". Fantasy has always been an inspiring source for my mind, and as a matter of fact, a game is an extraordinary combination of story-telling and puzzle-solving. I love games because my thoughts often pass through a wide range of space, and it never fails to give me a sense of accomplishment when resolve a myth. To make things better, every game is a time machine, transporting the player from one era to another. A minute ago I was a high school student, the next minute I become a Queen, who rules angels and dragons in her troops, challenges the empire and rides out for battles to save the world. Finally, vivid background and character setting prepare the experience to be highly authentic, making every game a surprising journey full of adventures.

============================================================ ======
I really appreciate your help! Please take a look at these short answers and fix them as you feel apropriate!! I'll fix yours back! Thank you!


Ninja

Huan Meng
 
sung_tung 4-15  Nov 6, 09, 09:11am  #
_'it never fails to give me a sense of accomplishment when resolve a myth'
In this sentence, I think it should be 'when resolving a myth'.

_ 'To make things better, every game is a time machine, transporting the player from one era to another. '
I would write "To make things better, every game as a time machine transports the player from one era to another.'

sung_tung
 
EF_Kevin [Moderator] 2-3973  Nov 6, 09, 11:40pm  #
I suggest a semi-colon:
Fantasy has always been an inspiring source of inspiration for my mind; and as a matter of fact, a game is an extraordinary combination of story-telling and puzzle-solving.

...know that I can satisfy my appetite for creative expression in this field about which I am fanantically passionate, and succeed after learning from experts. and, hence, to succeed.

Kevin, EssayForum.com
 

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