why rice social science? eh it seems too typical...

I think my essay is too boring. Any suggestions to spice it up, fix grammer, etc. Anything is appreciated! Thanks :)
With the understanding that the choice of academic school you indicated is not binding, explain why you are applying to that particular school of study?

My dream career is straightforward, I want to earn my Ph.D. in psychology and become a social psychologist. Social psychology has been a passion of mine for as long as I can remember. It all started with the question of "why?" and my interest to help others solve problems they could not approach on their own. My questions have ranged from why people commit actions to receive attention, or why stereotypes are represented in the mind. I have already taken initiative towards my career by taking psychology and sociology classes that are provided through my high school. The thirst for learning more about the human mind pushes me to seek out colleges and universities that will quench the thirst.
Rice's School of Social Sciences program will quench my thirst for learning. The psychology program at Rice is one that is well-developed and will meet my needs. Programs like Psi Chi will encourage me to dig deeper to advance in the field of psychology. I am thrilled to know the psychology program finds research a key role in its form of learning. The intense research opportunities provided through the Honors Program appeals to me, I hope I will be able to join the Honors Program in my senior year. With that said, I believe Rice will enable me to quench my thirst for a greater education.

My dream career is straightforward, I want to earn my Ph.D. in psychology and become a social psychologist. Social psychology has been a passion of mine for as long as I can remember. It all started with the question of "why?" and my interest to help others solve problems they could not approach on their own. My questions have ranged from why people commit actions to receive attention, or why stereotypes are represented in the mind. I have already taken an initiative towards my career by taking psychology and sociology classes that are provided through my high school. The thirst for learning more about the human mind pushes me to seek out colleges and universities that will quench the thirst.
Rice's School of Social Sciences program will quench my thirst for learning. The psychology program at Rice is one that is well-developed and will meet my needs. Programs like Psi Chi will encourage me to dig deeper to advance in the field of psychology. I am thrilled to know the psychology program finds research a key role in its form of learning. The intense research opportunities provided through the Honors Program appeals to me, I hope I will be able to join the Honors Program in my senior year. With that said, I believe Rice will enable me to quench my thirst for a greater education.

Very well written! Maybe change the transition from first to second paragraph, where it is "...more about the human mind pushes me to seek out colleges and universities that will quench the thirst. Rice's School of Social..."

You can probably say, "Rice's School of Social Sciences program will do just that."

Overall, well done.

Thank you so much! I will work to change my transition. Do you think this works:
Rice's School of Social Sciences program will be the water that will tame my thirst?

or does that sound weird?

I feel you. That sounds a lot like a point I made in my Supplements to Lehigh and Syracuse. Anyways, I can relate to having this ravishing hunger that wants you to acquire knowledge in everything.

Well done. And Good Luck.

thank you for your input! you are all very kind!

Any other comments or corrections? You guys rock!

i think you did not fully show your passion on the Psy.
"It all started with the question of "why?" and my interest to help others solve problems they could not approach on their own. My questions have ranged from why people commit actions to receive attention, or why stereotypes are represented in the mind. I have already taken initiative towards my career by taking psychology and sociology classes that are provided through my high school."

It might be better for you to show how you help others to solve problems and so on, be specific, instead of you saying it. Did your study of psy in high school help to answer your "why " question? and then you want to further study on it?

i am applying for the same school in rice. hope we have the luck to get in!

great advice! I will definitely change it so i can show more passion! thanks cm22 and I hope we both get in!

My dream career is straightforward: I want to earn my Ph.D. in psychology and become a social psychologist. Social psychology has been a passion of mine for as long as I can remember. It all started with the question of "Why?" and my interest to help others solve problems they could not approach on their own. My questions have ranged from why people commit actions to receive attention, or why stereotypes are represented in the mind. I have already taken initiative towards my career by taking psychology and sociology classes that are provided through my high school. The thirst for learning more about the human mind pushes me to seek out colleges and universities that will quench the thirst.


Rice's School of Social Sciences program will quench my thirst for learning. How? any evidence? What special attributes does the program have? Get specific. The psychology program at Rice is one that is well-developed and will meet my needs. Programs like Psi Chi will encourage me to dig deeper to advance in the field of psychology. I am thrilled to know the psychology program finds research a key role in its form of learning. The intense research opportunities provided through the Honors Program appeals to me, I hope I will be able to join the Honors Program in my senior year. With that said, I believe Rice will enable me to quench my thirst for a greater education.

:) Good luck in school!!!!