reason for your major - interest in economics

the topic is basically what do you want to study in college and why.
my essay goes

My interest in economics originated when the 1997 Asian Financial Crisis hit South Korea. Better known as the IMF Crisis, this economic depression was engendered by wasteful spending of the Korean people, excess of import compared to export, and inability to pay back loans from the International Monetary Fund. The effects of the IMF Crisis lingered until 2000, when the president of South Korea formally declared the end of the depression.
I was only 6 years old when the depression took place, and I had no idea why it happened but I experienced the severity and seriousness of it.
My close friends moved as their fathers lost their jobs and could not afford to live in the city anymore. Almost every other week, one student would either leave my class, or come from somewhere else as a new student. Walking to and from school I could observe many stores being closed, and several just left vacant for months.
All of my uncles lost their jobs; two of which were entrepreneurs of small businesses which failed completely. I also remember that my family didn't celebrate most of the holidays during those years except maybe the New Year's Day, which my uncles didn't come to celebrate anyways.
From 1997 to 2000 was probably one of the most depressing years for Korea, but for me, it was also a time when I felt very proud to be a Korean. United as a whole, Koreans overcame the economic depression that seemed to tarnish our dignity and deprive of our confidence.
Interestingly, just like how the auto-industry is troubled in today's economic depression, Kia Motors of Korea was also very hurt. The government stepped in to bail out Kia Motors, one of the largest car makers in 1997. Companies went through numerous studies to develop the quality of their products. In the time of depression, the employers and the employees tried harder to compromise and cooperate with each other. Most importantly, the Korean people campaigned for using domestic goods rather than imported products, and against wasteful spending in general.
One of the most successful campaign Korean people ran was collecting gold. Koreans gave up their gold wedding rings, necklaces, watches, and even medals and trophies to support their troubled economy. This campaign collected more than 200 tons of gold and consequently helped Korean government to repay its debt from the IMF.
Through this experience I learned the importance of economy. I saw with my eyes the discouragement and depression it can bring, but I also saw that it can bring people together for a common goal of winning over that depression. Economy not only affects the country, but it also changes how individuals think and behave. With the adequate knowledge of economics, I learned that, just like how Koreans during the IMF Crisis unified and sacrificed for their country, I can also make a difference, and help others and my country; to maximize the capacity of my support, I want to study more about the economy to help more people, especially those who can't do much to help themselves during the economic crisis like my uncles.

thank you so much:)

The __ are parts that I deleted. The parts where I add things/moved things around are in parenthesis.

My interest in economics originated when the 1997 Asian Financial Crisis hit South Korea. Better known as the IMF Crisis, this economic depression was engendered by wasteful spending of the Korean people, excess __ import compared to export, and inability to pay back loans from the International Monetary Fund. The effects of the IMF Crisis lingered until 2000, when the president of South Korea formally declared the end of the depression.
I was only 6 years old when the depression took place. __ I had no idea why it happened but I experienced (its severity).
My close friends moved as their fathers lost their jobs and could not afford to live in the city anymore. Almost every other week, one student would either leave my class, or come from somewhere else as a new student. Walking to and from school I (would) observe many stores (closing), and several just left vacant for months.
All of my uncles lost their jobs(,) two of which were entrepreneurs of small businesses which failed completely. I also remember that my family didn't celebrate most of the holidays during those years except maybe __ New Year's Day.__
(The period between) 1997 to 2000 was probably one of the most depressing (period) for Korea, but for me, it was also a time when I felt very proud to be a Korean. United as a whole (country), Koreans overcame the economic depression that seemed to tarnish our dignity and deprive of our confidence.
Interestingly, just like how the auto-industry is troubled in today's economic depression, Kia Motors of Korea was also __ hurt. The government stepped in to bail out Kia Motors, one of the largest car makers in 1997. Companies went through numerous studies to develop the quality of their products. (During) __ the depression, the employers and __ employees tried hard__ to compromise and cooperate with each other. Most importantly, the Korean people campaigned for using domestic goods rather than imported products, and against wasteful spending in general.
One of the most successful campaign(s) Korean people ran was collecting gold. Koreans gave up their gold wedding rings, necklaces, watches, and even medals and trophies to support their troubled economy. This campaign collected more than 200 tons of gold and consequently helped Korean government to repay its debt from the IMF.
(As someone who lived through this period of ...[I can't think of the word]), I learned the importance of (the) economy. I saw with my (own) eyes the discouragement and (grief) it [what is "it?"] can bring, but I also saw (the unity among the people as they worked) for a common goal of (getting over?...) over (the) depression. (The) economy not only affects the country, but it also changes how individuals think and behave [gives examples of how it changes how people think and behave]. With __ adequate knowledge of economics, I (realized) that, just like how Koreans during the IMF Crisis unified and sacrificed for their country, I can also make a difference_ and help others and my country [how can you help?]. To maximize [what do you mean maximize the capacity of your support? What can you do to help by learning more about economics?] the capacity of my support, I want to study more about the economy to help more people, especially those who can't do much to help themselves during the economic crisis like my uncles.

It's pretty good. You gave a lot of examples of why you want to study more about economics, but wrap up by saying how you can help others by learning more about economics and what you plan on doing.

Here is some more help:

Walking to and from school, I could observe many stores being closed, and several were just left vacant for months.

I was only six years old when the depression took place, so I had no understanding of why it happened, but I did experience the severity and seriousness of it.

With adequate knowledge of economics, I can make a difference. Just like the Koreans that unified and sacrificed themselves for their country during the IMF Crisis, I help others and my country; I can do so by maximizing the capacity of my support and especially help those who, like my uncles, suffer the consequences of economic crisis.