Please help me with my Sarah Lawrence essay!

prompt
2. We assume that you have changed throughout your high school years, and we are curious to hear what experiences and challenges in the past four years have influenced who you have become. We are also interested in how these changes have led you to apply to Sarah Lawrence College. What is it about the college and its unique educational structure that leads you to think that you will be a good fit? How will the college help you fulfill your goals?
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would anyone help me critique it and please tell me is it a qualified "why essay"?? thank you so much!!

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"You're going to study abroad? What's your major?" I knew my answer "It's undecided" was thought to be irresponsible and ignorant; and I had struggled between majors leading to good-paid jobs and majors of my interest.

Unlike some of my classmates, I could not convince myself to choose a major by the market need and popularity. I was once tempted to center on my interests in languages and become a translator. I remember sitting in the old classroom in Beijing Foreign Studies University in the summer to learn French. A bracing summer breeze swept gently across, brushing through the aged willow causing the leaves to whisper. The monotonous read-and-reread practice reminded me of when I was an English beginner. Instead of getting frustrated by the slow progress, I savor every advancing step and the feeling of exhilaration when I came upon something similar between different languages.

My experiences in the earthquake-hit areas and my inability to relieve the peoples' suffering gave me second thoughts on my future plans. I felt compelled to bring some change to the society, especially to the less advantaged areas. I want to live for a mission, not for wealth or interest-oriented career. In the class, I shared stories about historical figures and I hoped these stories could encourage and enlighten them to think of their future and help them in their journey of self-discovery. And it worked.

In my self-taught SAT U.S. history preparation, without teacher's notes to direct me which lesson was of importance because it would show up in a test, I tried to understand how different historical aspects relate to each other. It was a complex but rewarding experience: I started to question and think about stuff I had not previously considered. This engaging exploration made me appreciate how the freedom of learning is valuable to one's critical thinking. I wish to be a history teacher, defy the rote-learning teaching method and introduce my own understanding to make learning history more relevant and meaningful to students.

These experiences led me to Sarah Lawrence College, a place that "incorporates a rigorous approach to the arts with the principles of progressive education" and values students' intrinsic passion and motivation. I was thrilled to come to Sarah Lawrence, an institution so liberal that students receive individualistic written evaluation instead of grades. While guided by the knowledgeable professors, I would have enough space to explore, find my voice, and be heard. The intensive writing program would consolidate my skills as a good writer, which I believe is a crucial skill especially for a history concentration. The stellar study-abroad opportunities consolidate my view as a global citizen, and to understand history in an extensive context. I could envision myself to take extra courses in the Language Third, to work at the WSLC radio, to jump on the train with my fellows to explore the wealth of cultures in New York City.

'I started to .... think about STUFF" should be changed to things.

Maybe it's just me, but I have no idea what "Language Third" means...third language or something else?

Also, don't start sentences with And.

Other than that it's fine.

thank YOU, bhangra369.

language third] is a program offered at SLC

"You're going to study abroad? What's your major?" I knew my answer. To say, "It's undecided," was thought to be irresponsible and ignorant; and I had struggled between majors leading to good-paid jobs and majors of my interest.

Instead of getting frustrated by the slow progress, I savored every advancing step -- and the feeling of exhilaration when I came upon something similar between different languages.


(This needs an intro section to segue into the mention of earthquake-stricken areas, etc.) My experiences in the earthquake-hit areas and my inability to relieve the peoples' suffering gave me second thoughts on my future plans. ...

In my self-taught SAT U.S. history preparation, without teacher's notes to direct me about which lessons were of most importance for the test, I tried to understand how different historical aspects relate to each other. It was a complex but rewarding experience: I started to question ideas and think about concepts I had not previously considered.

Awesome, congratulations for your accomplishment! Good luck with this,

:)

Kevin