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Please help in reducing my word limit. I have to reduce it to 250 (Kolkata)

AstrixThreads: 2
Posts: 6 		 Jan 18, 09, 07:15am   #1
The day when Kolkata faced a severe crisis still remains etched in my memory. The bone of contention was the West Bengal government allowing an author asylum in spite of a 'fatwa' being issued in her name. The author had scripted something which was sacrilegious to a religion and the sentiments of that group were hurt, which sparked off an intense brawl. The people of that community had taken the law in their hands and set fire to certain establishments and vehicles.
Unfortunately the dispersal of our school coincided with that of the unrest in the city and I was caught in the epicenter of this strife. My car was surrounded by a number of youths and I appeared to be a hapless victim. I could see my end nearing as the hostile youth were on the verge of scorching my car with torches. Almost being cornered, in walked a messiah, rather an old man, quite strangely belonging to their religion, and spoke to them in a language which was semi-foreign to me. What I could make out vaguely was that, a young school lad is too innocent to be butchered by the selfish interest of a handful of conceited individuals. He came to me as a silver lining and the mob slowly filtered away much to my respite. The old man melted away in the crowd and left behind his footprints on my mind only to feel that divides are manmade and it's our perspective that controls our thoughts and views on issues and societal classes.
Personally, the gesture of the old man indirectly molded my outlook. I have started deeming them with more respect and have become more empathetic. A university is a place where unity and solidarity of faith takes one to a notch higher than expected. Thus I can proudly confess in the light of today that I have the subtlety to follow and perceive the mindset of the people and react according to the call of the hour.
 
EF_KevinThreads: 12
Posts: 6617 [Moderator] 		 Jan 18, 09, 06:01pm   #2
The day when Kolkata faced a severe crisis still remains etched in my memory. The bone of contention was the West Bengal government allowing an author asylum in spite of a 'fatwa' being issued in her name. The author had scripted something which was sacrilegious to a religion and the sentiments of that group were hurt, which sparked off an intense brawl. The people of that community had taken the law in their hands and set fire to certain establishments and vehicles.
Unfortunately the dispersal of our school coincided with that of the unrest in the city and I was caught in the epicenter of this strife. My car was surrounded by a number of youths and I appeared to be a hapless victim. I could see my end nearing as the hostile youth were on the verge of scorching my car with torches. Almost being cornered, in walked a messiah, rather an old man, quite strangely belonging to their religion, and spoke to them in a language which was semi-foreign to me. What I could make out vaguely was that, a young school lad is too innocent to be butchered by the selfish interest of a handful of conceited individuals. He came to me as a silver lining and the mob slowly filtered away much to my respite. The old man melted away in the crowd and left behind his footprints on my mind only to feel that divides are man made and it's our perspective that controls our thoughts and views on issues and societal classes.

The last paragraph needs some tightening up, as it sounds as if you might be on the side of the "hostile youth"...Thus I can proudly confess in the light of today that I have the subtlety to follow and perceive the mindset of the people and react according to the call of the hour.

good luck
:)

Kevin, EssayForum.com
 
EF_SeanThreads: 6
Posts: 3811 [Moderator] 		Edited by: EF_Sean  Jan 20, 09, 02:10am   #3
Here are some more ways you could shorten your essay:

"The author had scripted something which was sacrilegious to a religion and the sentiments of that group were hurt, which sparked off an intense brawl." You could probably cut this entire sentence, if you wanted to.

"The people of that community had taken the law in their hands and responding by setting fire to certain establishments and vehicles."

"My car was surrounded by a number of youths and I appeared to be a hapless victim. I could see my end nearing as the hostile youth who were on the verge of scorching my car with torches. "

"in walked a messiah, rather an old man, quite strangely belonging to their religion," Also, how did you know that the man belonged to their religion? And why, unless you believe all Muslims to be violent extremists, would you find it strange?

Sean, EssayForum.com
 

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