PennState Personal Statement (many sports activities)

It's my first draft. I need your opinion to revise it.
Any advice will be appreciated~~

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PERSONAL STATEMENT: Please use the space below to tell us about your preparation for college. Explain any interruptions in your schooling, e.g. military service or employment. Please tell us about your important time commitments other than academic work (for example, school organization, jobs, the arts, service, and athletics).

I am sophomore from XXX University, applying for transfer admission to Penn State. As a college student, I do well in academic performance. In my freshman year, I have been awarded the Scholarship for Excellent Students, which is set up for top 10% students in the university.

Apart from academic performance, I am person who likes to participate in various sorts of sport activities such as soccer, volleyball, tennis, table-tennis, hiking and cycling. Above all, soccer is the one that I long for enjoying throughout my life. I have played soccer for more than 10 years. I had been a member of school soccer team in my elementary school as well as middle school. Now, I have the honor to be the captain of our school team in college, in charge of training and other affairs of the team. In addition to formal soccer matches, it is also my favorite to play freestyle soccer (FS). FS is an art of juggling with a football by using every possible part of your body while simultaneously performing skillful moves and keeping the ball airborne. This year, I won the champion of XX City in the RedBull Street Soccer Challenging Match, which is an unforgettable memory for me.

Moreover, since 12 years old, I have been an avid reader of newspaper. Every day, I spend at least half an hour to read. The Southern Metropolitan Daily and the New York Times can always be my favorite choices. Sometimes it is interest to see different newspaper focus on the same topic, such as Beijing Olympic Games. It is my pleasure to take in different opinions from authors with various backgrounds since I always regard it very beneficial to embrace sounds from different parts of the world. Through the readings, I broaden my views with latest news and absorb new ideas from columnists.

Also, I have been a member of Network Department of XX Volunteer Association for 4 years. My responsibility is to provide online computer technology assistance for the people in need. I have particular passion for this job since it always brings me the sense of achievement.

During my summer vocation this year, I did internship in ZTE Software Company. Teamed up with another 4 engineers, we conducted field test of two different types of GPS Antenna. I consider this internship experience to be precious because it made me conscious of what skills and abilities are demanded for jobs. Furthermore, I had learned to communicate with colleagues and express my own opinion in an appropriate way.
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I haven't got an idea for the conclusion paragraph. Do you have any ideas?

Thanks for your attention!

As a college student, I do well in academic performance. In my freshman year, I was awarded the Scholarship for Excellent Students, which is set up for top 10% students in the university.


Apart from academic performance, I am person who likes to participate in various sports activities such as soccer, volleyball, tennis, table-tennis, hiking and cycling.

Now, I have the honor of being the captain of our school team in college, in charge of training and other affairs of the team. In addition to formal soccer matches, I mostly enjoy freestyle soccer (FS).

Since I was 12 years old, I have been an avid reader of newspapers. Every day, I spend at least half an hour reading. The Southern Metropolitan Daily and the New York Times are my favorite choices.

During my summer vacation this year, I did an internship at ZTE Software Company.

Teamed up with another 4 engineers, we conducted field tests of two different types of GPS Antenna.

Furthermore, I had learned to communicate with colleagues and express my own opinion in an appropriate way.

In conclusion, you might just tell what your hopes and plans are for your future, and how you hope to accomplish these.

:)

Kevin