A paragraph from my Northwestern essay too wordy? HELP

It was difficult to tear myself away from these fantastic stories of reality, but as I continued to click and explore, I was drawn to other information. My virtual tour through McCormick has told me that the Biomedical Engineering here is indeed one of the best programs in the field. Through my tour, I discovered about McCormick's unique Engineering First Program, its affiliation programs, and its breadth of research opportunities. These traits assure me that if I become a McCormick student, I will not lack resources. I am especially interested in the Engineering First Program. I have long learned that the best way to succeed is to leap ahead in what I do; thereby, Engineering First draws me. I trust this program will give me a jump-start on my career by teaching me the real world of engineering early in my study.

any idea is welcome thanks

take out "about" McCormick's in third line

it's not too wordy, just look over the tense of your paragraph.

i.e. "My virtual tour through McCormick has told me..." (had told me?)

great thanks yea i never know what tense to use :(

It was difficult to tear myself away from the fantastic stories of reality, but as I continued to click and explore I was drawn to other information. My virtual tour through McCormick has showed me that the Biomedical Engineering program here is indeed one of the best in the field. Through my tour, I discovered McCormick's unique Engineering First Program, its affiliation programs, and its breadth of research opportunities. These traits assure me ....


Awesome. You will do well!!!

thank u so much, so glad i have found this site during the end of my application process :p

It was difficult to tear myself away from these fantastic stories of reality, but, as I continued to click and explore, I was drawn to other information. My virtual tour through McCormick has shown me that the Biomedical Engineering there is indeed one of the best programs in the field. Through my tour, I discovered McCormick's unique Engineering First Program, its affiliation programs, and its breadth of research opportunities. These traits assure me that, if I become a McCormick student, I will not lack resources.