A paragraph from cornell essay (the Cornell Engineering homepage)

As I browsed through the Cornell Engineering homepage, I was drawn to the wealth of resources available. Through my tour, I learned about the Student Project Group, the Engineering Communications Program, and the Kessler Fellows Program. These programs assure me that if I become a Cornell undergraduate, I will be fully prepared for my future. Right now I feel like one of those particle accelerators that synthesize new substances by smashing atoms together. Indeed like the accelerators, I am ready to crush together all that is available at Cornell. From theoretical knowledge to hands on training, from communication skills to marketing strategies, I am ready to take in everything, to process it, and to bring into existence the novel and the miraculous. The Communication and Kessler Fellows Program ensure me success as a contributor beyond the classroom. The Student Project Group especially interests me, for it is through such program that the inventive brain gets fed; it is through such program that the community and the engineering quad come together to display the infinite possibilities in the field of engineering.

Unclear?

During my tour, I learned about the Student Project Group, the Engineering Communications Program, and the Kessler Fellows Program.

From theoretical knowledge to hands on training, from communication skills to marketing strategies, I am ready to take everything in, to process it, and to bring into existence the novel and the miraculous.

The Student Project Group especially interests me, for it is through such programs that the inventive brain gets fed; it is through such programs that the community and the engineering quad come together to display the infinite possibilities in the field of engineering.

wow, you're a very good writer! They'll be lucky to have you.

:)

i like it. creative and thoughtful.

thanks guys