NYU short essays - "to join Gallotone Records"

I only completed one prompt, so here it is.

Prompt: New York City is an essential element of academic and cultural life at NYU. If you could engage in an activity or start a club or service organization at NYU, what would it be and how would you envision it impacting the larger community?

I would like to join Gallotone Records and help extend a new line of albums for charity. The club can work with the handicapped by accepting lyrics, melody, or even vocal contributions from them. The aim would be to produce a series of albums that will feature inspirational songs to instill hope in the handicapped, to prove to people and themselves that they can do something for society, and to build up their self-esteem. After all, there is nothing in the world so much like prayer as music is.

I don't feel that it addresses the second part of the prompt that well actually. But is it still reasonable?

you're right, i don't think it applies too much to the latter bit of the prompt. If you can afford the space, go further into detail about what charities and whatnot.

Haha that's the prob. The max is 500 characters and I've reached the limit. Unless there are places to cut?

Anyway, here's the response to another NYU prompt.

You have been selected to sing in a talent show. What song would you choose? Why?

I would choose Love Me. The lyrics of this ballad brims with so much affection that it allows people to momentarily witness true love, which has otherwise almost ceased to exist in reality. Thus, I want to use this song to captivate people's hearts and remind them that love is a commitment. Only with such devotion can we revive warmth in dysfunctional families, and let their children experience familial love that they have once been deprived of.

You should say who the artist is. However, I like what you wrote. Is that exactly 500 characters, too? Character limits suck. /:

Haha thankfully the song thing isn't 500 characters. Yup I'll add the singer in then. Thanks :)

I would like to join Gallotone Records and help extend a new line of albums for charity. The club can work with the handicapped by accepting lyrics, melody, or even vocal contributions from them. The aim would be to produce a series of albums that will feature inspirational songs to instill hope in the handicapped, to prove to people and themselves that they can do something for society, and to build up their self-esteem. After all, there is nothing in the world so much like prayer as music.

Get rid of the word "is" at the end.

The way it would impact the college community is to inspire other acts of charity, raising spirits among students as they see creativity being put to use in order to alleviate suffering.



I would choose "Love Me" (by [band name" the beatles?). The lyrics of this ballad brims with so much affection that it allows people to momentarily witness true love, which has otherwise almost ceased to exist in reality. Thus, I want to use this song to captivate people's hearts and remind them that love is a commitment. Only with such devotion can we revive warmth in dysfunctional families, and let their children experience familial love that they have once been deprived of.

Awesome, you seem to be someone who really appreciated music! I hope you play the guitar, the coolest of all instruments!!! Your essays are very inspirational.

Haha I only learnt how to play the guitar in school 6 years ago, so everything's rusty. o.o

Anyway thanks for your comments. :) Hopefully the rest will come through fine too.

Here's another response. Please have a look :)

Prompt: Describe a trait or characteristic that has been passed along to you by your family. Tell us why you like or dislike this aspect of yourself.

My parents have one dream – when they retire, they want to travel around the world. Evidently, their passion for traveling has influenced me, for I now share their aspiration. Traveling is a meaningful and personal issue to me. It is about basking in the magnificence of nature and making sense of the origins of its beauty. It is about escaping from daily troubles and engaging in self-reflection. Most importantly, it gives me a new dimension in life that differentiates me from others.

I think it sounds a bit repetitive with the two "It is" right after each other.
Try switching it up a little bit

Here's the response to the last NYU prompt. Please help me vet this and the one above too! Thanks :)

Prompt: Please tell us what led you to select your anticipated academic program and/or NYU school/college, and what interests you most about your intended discipline.

I used to think that economics is all about numbers. Yet, when I learned more about it in junior college, I realized it also has softer edges like achieving equity. In fact, economics takes care of people as much as their nations. Being a person who wants to make a difference in the world, I chose to major in economics. Though future economists like myself will face many obstacles, especially with the global economic crisis plaguing the world, it is precisely these challenges that I thrive on.

Yoz people. Any comments? :)