NYU Short Answers, need help editing

I'm not quite sure how to edit my short answers and I really need help. I don't mind getting harsh criticism. Please help, and thank you in advance.

In addition to any work experience that you listed on your application, please tell us how you spent your most recent summer vacation. (500 char)
This summer, I was one of the few students chosen to attend the New York State Bar Associations' Mock Trial Summer Institute for a week of intensive Mock Trial study. I also co-founded a business which deals with computer repair, website design and software development. My friend and I have dreamt about starting a company for over six years, and it was exciting when we finally received certification from New York State. I plan on adding a non-profit sector to the company within the next year. (498)

Describe a trait or characteristic that has been passed along to you by your family. Tell us why you like or dislike this aspect of yourself. (500 char)
We walk down the dark street as I look up at the full moon and question my grandfather, "Why is the moon up in the sky?" Curiosity is a trait that has been passed down to me by my family. Ever since I was a child my parents would always tell me that I asked too many questions. Curiosity drives me to see the reason behind many problems and understand situations better. I don't take what others tell me as fact until I do my own research; this trait enables me to make informed decisions. (490)

New York City is an essential element of academic and cultural life at NYU. If you could engage in an activity or start a club or service organization at NYU, what would it be and how would you envision it impacting the larger community? (500 char)
I would love to be a mentor at the High School Law Institute at NYU, a program that I was part of during my junior year of high school. I would expand this program to allow more kids to attend by making one session during the winter and one during the spring. Here I would be able to provide teenagers with guidance toward becoming more active citizens and a career in law. This would help the youth by keeping them off the streets and instilling in them knowledge about our justice system. (491)

You have been selected to sing in a talent show. What song would you choose? Why? (500 char)
As I begin to sing I get flashbacks from the past. It was the summer of 2003; I was sitting on the balcony of my eighteen-story apartment building listening to "Where is the love" by The Black Eyed Peas. It was a normal day until, all of a sudden, all of the lights turned off. I was experiencing a major power outage, and all I had was my CD player. As I listened to the lyrics I questioned the issues that the world was facing, and I still wonder if they will ever be solved. (477)

Please tell us what led you to select your anticipated academic program and/or NYU school/college, and what interests you most about your intended discipline. (500 char)
My participation in Youth Court Alternative of Queens has enabled me to draw the conclusion that economics has a major influence on legal policies. I want to study the relationship between economic policies and the law. The department of economics, which offers over forty courses in economics, will provide me with the resources I need to expand my knowledge. In NYU, I will be able to utilize the diverse student body and the urban environment to prepare me for the challenges that face the world. (499)

You're first answer is interesting! I don't know if you should maybe clarify that it's about what you did over the summer. Had I not read the prompt I would be a little confused about what you were writing about.

Overall your answers are really good and unique.

Good luck :]

Thanks =]

Any other advice?

I changed some of it. Still looking for help. Thanks.

In addition to any work experience that you listed on your application, please tell us how you spent your most recent summer vacation. (500 char)
This summer, I was one of the few students chosen to attend the New York State Bar Associations' Mock Trial Summer Institute for a week of intensive Mock Trial study. I also co-founded a business which deals with computer repair, website design and software development. My friend and I have dreamt about starting a company for over six years, and it was exciting when we finally received certification from New York State. I plan on adding a non-profit sector to the company within the next year. (498)

Describe a trait or characteristic that has been passed along to you by your family. Tell us why you like or dislike this aspect of yourself. (500 char)
We walk down the dark street as I look up at the full moon and question my grandfather, "Why is the moon up in the sky?" Curiosity is a trait that has been passed down to me by my family. Ever since I was a child my parents would always tell me that I asked too many questions. Curiosity drives me to see the reason behind many problems and understand situations better. I don't take what others tell me as fact until I do my own research; this trait enables me to make informed decisions. (490)

New York City is an essential element of academic and cultural life at NYU. If you could engage in an activity or start a club or service organization at NYU, what would it be and how would you envision it impacting the larger community? (500 char)
I would love to be a mentor at the High School Law Institute at NYU, a program that I was part of during my junior year of high school. I would expand this program to allow more kids to attend by making one session during the winter and one during the spring. Here I would be able to provide teenagers with guidance toward becoming more active citizens and pursuing a career in law. This would help the youth by keeping them off the streets and instilling in them knowledge about our justice system. (499)

You have been selected to sing in a talent show. What song would you choose? Why? (500 char)
As I begin to sing I get flashbacks from the past. It was the summer of 2003; I was sitting on the balcony of my eighteen-story apartment building listening to "Where is the love" by The Black Eyed Peas. It was a normal day until, suddenly, all of the lights turned off. I was experiencing a major power outage, and all I had was my CD player. As I sing these lyrics today, I still remember the bright lights in the sky; I associate this song with my very first experience of stars in New York City. (498)

Please tell us what led you to select your anticipated academic program and/or NYU school/college, and what interests you most about your intended discipline. (500 char)
My participation in Youth Court Alternative of Queens has enabled me to draw the conclusion that economics has a major influence on legal policies. I want to study the relationship between economic policies and the law. The department of economics, which offers over forty courses in economics, will provide me with the resources I need to expand my knowledge. In NYU, I will be able to utilize the diverse student body and the urban environment to prepare me for the challenges that face the world. (499)

I like changed one better than the first one. I like the family chracteristic one, and the talent show one...! :)
And I don't see any problems with the one
you just corrected. You must have had quite a lot of experience related with trial/law.


Good luck :)

This past summer, I was one of the few students chosen to attend the New York State Bar Associations' Mock Trial Summer Institute, for a week of intensive Mock Trial study.

My friend and I have dreamed about starting a company for over six years, and it was exciting when we finally received certification from New York State.

Ever since I was a child, my parents would always tell me that I asked too many questions. Curiosity drives me to see the reason behind many problems and understand situation

It was a normal day until, suddenly, all of the lights went out.


I still remember the bright lights in the sky; I associate this song with my very first experience of stars in New York City. (498)
I love that sentence.

The department of economics, which offers over forty courses, will provide me with the resources I need to expand my knowledge.

At NYU, I will be able to utilize the diverse student body and the urban environment to prepare me for the challenges that face the world. (499)

Good luck in school!

:)

Just a comment on this sentence
"I still remember the bright lights in the sky; I associate this song with my very first experience of stars in New York City."

Can you really see the stars in New York City? I have never been able to see the stars because of light pollution.

I really like your first short response because it shows you take the initiative and the second short response because of the style.

Thank you Kevin, I appreciate the help.

Linnus, I agree that it is very difficult to see stars in NYC because of the light pollution, but that was the week of the blackout. All of the lights in NYC were out. Does my answer convey that, or should I make it clearer?

I see. You don't have any space to add any more characters. You should be fine since you did say "very first experience".