NYU 4 Short Answers (family, life at NYU, talent show...)

I'm looking for any grammar errors as well as overall feedback... Be as harsh as you have to be! Thanks in advance...

In addition to any work experience that you listed on your application, please tell us how you spent your most recent summer vacation.

The first two weeks of the summer vacations I spent in Tennessee with my dad's family. I got to see my 3 year old half-brother who in my eyes is the cutest baby of the world and my stepmother who helped me keenly in my decision to study in the United States. In the other half of summer I went to Spain along with my soccer team. It was a combination of a vacation trip and a training camp. The week in Spain was a complete success because of the fun we had and our good first round in the league. Characters 498/500

Describe a trait or characteristic that has been passed along to you by your family. Tell us why you like or dislike this aspect of yourself.

My mother the most influential person of my life has lived in 5 different countries. The only way she was able to do so was due to her open mindedness. As her friends came from all parts of society I learned to never judge a book only by its cover. She put a lot of emphasis on this open minded behavior so it is no coincidence that this trait was passed on to me. I am now a person who truly enjoys meeting people of all kinds and experience different cultures both at home and when travelling. Characters 495/500

New York City is an essential element of academic and cultural life at NYU. If you could engage in an activity or start a club or service organization at NYU, what would it be and how would you envision it impacting the larger community?

I would join the Amnesty International at NYU club. I think that Amnesty International is worth supporting because they uphold the human rights which are fundamental to our society. Especially in a university where the freedom of speech is essential it is of major concern to reveal where it is not. Students being the future leaders of our society need to be aware of those issues and encouraged to get active. Furthermore the community will benefit of leaders with good ethical values. Characters 489/500

You have been selected to sing in a talent show. What song would you choose? Why?

I would sing Bob Marley's "No Woman, No Cry". First of all I think Bob Marley is one of the greatest artists of the 20th Century, period. Furthermore I connect this song to one of the few memories I have of myself as a child in Costa Rica. I was on the beach of my Caribbean village when I first listened to the song. The sound of crushing waves mixed in. I would have a great time both sharing a part of myself and impersonating the Bob Marley signature dance. Everything would just be alright. Characters 495/500

The first two weeks of summer vacation were spent in Tennessee with my dad's family. I got to seesaw my 3 year old half-brother who in my eyes is the cutest baby of the world and my stepmother who helped me keenly in my decision to study in the United States. InDuring the other half of summer I went to Spain along with my soccer team. It was a combination of a vacation trip and a training camp.Although the primary purpose of the trip was to train, it felt more like a vacation. The week in Spain was a complete success because of the fun we had and our good first round in the league That week in Spain proved to be very beneficial for we succeeded in our first round in the league.

My mother, the most influential person of my life has, lived in 5 different countries. The only way she was able to do so was because of her open mindedness. Because her friends came from different parts of society, (the world?) I learned to never judge a book only by its cover. She put a lot of greatly emphasized be

Students - the future leaders of our society - need to be aware of those issues and encouraged to get active.
I would try to talk more about what you could do for the club since you have extra characters.

First of all I think To me, Bob Marley is one of the greatest artists of the 20th Century. period.

Furthermore I connect this song to one of the few memories I have of myself as a child in Costa Rica. I was on the beach of my Caribbean village when I first listened to the song.--> I first heard the song as a child in Costa Rica and can always associate it with my past.

I would also take out "The sound of crushing waves mixed in."

Good luck!

I would talk about what you will do as part of Amnesty International, what you have here is good just try to add more about your contribution.

Maybe Christine is right to suggest cutting this part, but if it is important to you to keep it, use commas:

I got to see my 3 year old half-brother who, in my eyes, is the cutest baby of the world and my stepmother who helped me keenly in my decision to study in the United States.

The only way she was able to do so was due to her open-mindedness.


Furthermore the community will be benefited by leaders with good ethical values.

The sound of crushing waves mixed in with the sound of the song. (I would choose a Bob Marley song, too!!)

Good luck!!!

:)

Yeah bobby is great:D

Thanks everybody for the help!