Someone told me to change the order of first two sentences. So I wrote two ones... Which one is better? And I would appreciate if you could correct any mistakes or suggest any changes! Thanks :)
In addition to any work experience that you listed on your application, please tell us how you spent your most recent summer vacation. (500 characters)
This summer our family went to South Korea for the first time since our immigration. It was the last time we could spend with grandpa and that is what makes this summer more memorable to us, my family. He passed away from a sudden car accident, a month after we came back to Georgia. The summer gave me a last chance to get to know grandpa even more: he was a quiet but loving and warm hearted person, who loved learning and reading. I am glad I could make a great memory of him before he left us. (497/500)
It was the last time we could spend with grandpa and that is what makes this summer more memorable to us, my family. He passed away from a sudden car accident, a month after we came back to Georgia. This summer our family went to South Korea for the first time since our immigration. The summer gave me a last chance to get to know grandpa even more: he was a quiet but loving and warm hearted person, who loved learning and reading. I am glad I could make a great memory of him before he left us. (497/500)
Sin Ah Kim
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