NU statement (Center for Student Involvement)

This is a part of my statement

I hope to get some feedback (grammar mistakes, awkward sentences...)

Many thanks!


I also would love to be part of Center for Student Involvement (CSI)at Northwestern. My experience of Habitat for Humanity in Chiangmai, Thailand was truly one of the life-changing experiences. Not only constructing houses for the people who were in need but also interacting with the community as a whole transformed me inside out. I became to appreciate trivialities as I saw what it is like to be without them. At Northwestern where I see numerous opportunities to make a change in the society, I have to say my heart is already with them. I do hope you will consider having me as a member of the Northwestern family.

I also would love to be part of Center for Student Involvement (CSI)at Northwestern. My experience with Habitat for Humanity in Chiangmai, Thailand was truly a life-changing experiences. Constructing houses for the people who were in need and interacting with the community as a whole transformed me inside out. I became to appreciate trivialities as I saw what it is like to be without them. At Northwestern where (delete) I see numerous opportunities to make a change in the society, I have to say my heart is already with them. I do hope you will consider having me as a member of the Northwestern family.

This has some confusing sentences. Like "i have to say my heart is already with them"

What opportunities do you see at NU?

Hope this helps and best of luck!

I think this is really good with the previous corrections. Aside from the confusing sentences, the message is pretty clear. I like it.

I also would also love to be part of the Center for Student Involvement (CSI) at Northwestern. My participationexperience of at the Habitat for Humanity in Chiangmai, Thailand was truly one of the my most life-changing experiences. Not only did Iconstructeing houses for the people who were in need, but I also interacting with the community as a whole transformed me inside out. I became began to appreciate trivialities as I saw what it is was like to be without them. (be more specific, what trivialities?) At Northwestern where I see numerous opportunities to make a change in the society, I have to say my heart is already with them(reword this, it sounds awkward). I do hope you will consider having me as a member of the Northwestern family.

This is pretty good, I'm not sure if you need to use that last sentence.

johndavid is a good editor! Yes, I would cut those same things. John please check out the ef contributor page!

Here is my take on it:

I would love to be part of Center for Student Involvement (CSI)at Northwestern. My experience with Habitat for Humanity in Chiangmai, Thailand was truly one of my most life-changing experiences. Constructing houses for the people who were in need and interacting with the community as a whole transformed me inside and out. I became to appreciate trivialities as I saw what it is like to be without them. At Northwestern, where I see numerous opportunities to make a change in the society, I have to say my heart is already with them. I do hope you will consider having me as a member of the Northwestern family.

That last sentence is powerful; I think it works well when you directly address the reader that way!

EF_Kevin, thanks, I will defiantly check it out. I just wonder if anyone could edit my short answers.