"Now you even brag in English" - ComApp short answer on Activity

Is the content proper for the question?

Approximately 200 words. Is it too long? :( Should I cut anything?

Thanks for your feedback! :)

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The most conspicuous disadvantage of living in a non-speaking English country is the few chances to apply what have been learnt into real life. Fortunately, one big chance came to me last summer: I attended some speaking sessions organized by volunteer students from the United States. We met three days a week at a cafe and participated in various activities: drama, game and group discussion.

At first, I was truly unconfident. I fear that people would ridicule my poor spoken English and felt shy because of the mere presence of many elder strangers. However, as soon as I stepped in, I sensed the warm air spreading through friendly welcomes and humorous jokes. Sensibility and brevity came back to me. I urged myself to talk, "Anyway, unless you try it, the chance will be zero". At the beginning, I spoke roughly and found it difficult to translate thoughts into speech in a foreign language. Gradually, I became accustomed to handling this sophisticated tool and words just jumped out of my tongue fluently and naturally.

A close friend of mine, joining these useful sessions after my recommendation, was surprised at how articulately I could use English. She told me one day, "Oh such a disaster! Now you even brag in English".

Hi, I suppose your content is appropriate for the essay prompt. However, from what I know, the word limit is 150 words. So, I would suggest that you could take away the first sentence and just start with "I attended some speaking sessions..." Besides, you might want to consider taking away your last paragraph about your friend as well. Other than that, I feel that your essay flow well.

Nonetheless, you might want to wait for comments from Kevin, Sean and other members.

Hope these help. All the best :)

Hello,
I agree with kids_jessy on the content.
However, there is a verb tense errors in the sentence:

" I fear[feared] that people would..."

and I think this sentence needs little improvement:

"Anyway, unless you try it, the chance will be zero".

Other than that, I think that the content of your essay answers the question.
But you may want to wait for the profession help from other members

Thanks, 2K! :p I do appreciate your comments. ^___^

@ kim: how should I improve that sentence? Could you please give me some more specific suggestions? Thanks a lot!

The most conspicuous disadvantage of living in a non-speaking English country was that there were few chances for real life application of all that I learned.


I lacked confidence at the beginning; I feared that people would ridicule
Gradually, I became accustomed to handling this sophisticated tool and words just jumped off of my tongue fluently and naturally.

A close friend of mine, who joined these useful sessions after my recommendation, was surprised at how articulately I could use English. She told me one day, "Oh such a disaster! Now you even brag in English."


Excellent! That is a great ending.

:)

Thanks, again!

BTW, I've just edited one sentence (according to kim's suggestion :p): "Anyway, you will never get a chance unless you take one." Is it okay now? :)

^____^

its a good start i think your essay answers the prompt really good but im also pretty sure that the limit is 150 so i would take that first sentence out but i think your essay would sound better with that last change that you menioned

Thanks, Mihir! ^___^

I've just edited. Please help me review it. Can I really submit this? lol

Exactly 150w now. (:

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The most conspicuous disadvantage of living in a non-speaking English country is having no access to real dialogs. Last summer, however, I got a chance to attend some speaking sessions organized by volunteer students from the United States. There were various activities involved: dramas, games and group discussions.

At the beginning, I was unconfident; worrying that people might ridicule my poor spoken English. As I stepped in, however, I sensed the warmth through friendly welcomes and humorous jokes. Sensibility and brevity came back to me; I urged myself "Nothing venture, nothing gain". Though it was difficult to transform thoughts into words in a foreign language at first, I gradually got accustomed to handling this sophisticated tool and words jumped off of my tongue unconsciously.

A close friend of mine was surprised at how articulately I was using English then. She even exclaimed, "Oh disastrous! Now you even brag in English."