NJIT essay please evaluate and edit if needed!

How did you learn about NJIT and why are you applying for admission?


I am a very curious individual, always wanting to know the why and how of things. I had varied interests and my curiosity was not limited to just mechanical things.

I have vivid memories of my childhood activities; for e.g. when I was only 12, I brought together my colony friends with the idea of making our own car that would run on Steam. We drafted designs. Then we visited various people who knew about the functioning of cars. AA Book of the Car' proved to be quite helpful. The drafts and drawings are still a constant reminder of my innovative spirit.

In school, I always showed a deeper interest in Science part-1, which covered more of Physics and in the Mathematics section, Geometry is what I always excelled in. School encouraged us to take part in various Olympiads and also organised several workshops.

Besides academics, I captained my school cricket team. Apart from sports I participated in wildlife exploration camps and science festivals.

One of the most defining moments in my life was my participation in the 2008 INTERNATIONAL SPACE SETTLEMENT DESIGN CONTEST sponsored by NASA Ames Research Center. The most unique feature of my project was the creation of an artificial radiation shield for the settlement that works on the principle of earth's magnetosphere by means of a furnace. I just had four days to make the project. It was the most challenging experience ever and I managed to bag an Honourable mention.

I once read the biography of India's ex-President-Dr. A.P.J. Abdul Kalam- 'Wings of Fire'. Although eventually he became a rocket scientist, during his course he had to work on various highly diverse projects ranging from hovercrafts to sounding rockets, ballistic missiles to a PSLV to nuclear tests. I comprehended that engineering was the career course that I wanted to pursue not only because of the wide range of choices it opens up, but also because of the ¬¬opportunity it provides to use one's creativity to its fullest.

Space has always mystified me. I wish to work on the development of space exploration technologies like the spacecrafts and rovers and dream of solving the mysteries of space and time and about the existence of extra terrestrial life. I aspire to become an expert in aerospace design.

What attracts me to NJIT is your application and integration of technology in almost all fields suitably to make the work simpler and interesting. The metropolitan setting of the university is best suited for internships. Getting hands-on experience rather than just theoretical knowledge is definitely what I would prefer. Reading prof. Harry Kountaras' interview on NJIT's web site, I was excited to know the various projects that your students work on; thus effectively applying the fundamentals learnt in the class in real world. I am eager to be a part of NJIT's engineering program and contribute to the world of science for a better future of mankind.

Keyur Jain

This is a good essay (just needs some grammatical tweaking), but I'm not sure if it really answers the prompt... How does listing your achievements answer why you are applying for admission? Is it because each of these achievements relates to something you want to study at NJIT? If so, you should write that. I also think your last paragraph should be first, but keep your last sentence where it is.

Grammatical suggestions:
-watch your tense... it changes a bit.
-change "e.g." to "example"
-try to transition between your paragraphs.

I hope I helped! Good luck!

thanks mbhaire!...got lots to work on now..:) :(

I have vivid memories of my childhood activities; for example when I was only 12, I brought together my colony of friends with the idea of making our own car that would run on Steam.

The most unique feature of my project was the creation of an artificial radiation shield for the settlement, that works on the principle of earth's magnetosphere by means of a furnace.

Although he eventually became a rocket scientist, during his course he had to work on various highly diverse projects ranging from hover crafts to sounding rockets, ballistic missiles to a PSLV, to nuclear tests.

I realized that engineering was the career course that I wanted to pursue not only because of the wide range of choices it opens up, but also because of the ¬¬opportunity it provides to use one's creativity to its fullest.

I wish to work on the development of space exploration technologies like the spacecrafts and rovers, and dream of solving the mysteries of space and time and about the existence of extra terrestrial life.

Reading prof. Harry Kountaras' interview on NJIT's web site, I was excited to know the various projects that your students work on; thus effectively applying the fundamentals learned in the classroom, to real world situatons.

I am eager to be a part of NJIT's engineering program and to contribute to the world of science for a better future of mankind.

You are very intelligent, they'll be lucky to have you!


:)

oh kevin!!..thanks ..

but know wat...i just submitted my essay a few minutes ago!! damn!
u made such exact corrections!...thanks thanks thanks..
i shud have waited for your post!!....

well lets see !!...thanks again Moderator! ;)

thanks for the comment too :)