MIT Setback/biggest challenge essay... Freshman year grades

Up until 8th grade, I was a straight A student. I was able to coast through school just using my raw intelligence. Without putting much effort into schoolwork, I got good grades. With this confidence, I applied to the Academy of Math, Science and Engineering, a magnet school. I was aware that this high school program was going to be a rigorous one but I assumed that a little extra hard work was all that was needed for me to succeed. I started freshman year, thinking that it was going to be as easy as middle school. However, that was not the case. I quickly realized that my intelligence was not enough to receive good grades in the Academy. I was stuck in a tough predicament. I knew what I was doing was not enough, but I had no idea how to do it right. I was working hard, but it was not yielding results.

I ended freshman year with a very low GPA. Even though the odds were stacked against me, I entered sophomore year determined to put the bad start behind me. As classes started, I wanted to make sure that I didn't make the same mistakes as I did freshman year. I understood that I had to combine my intelligence with hard work to achieve good grades in these classes. I identified my weak areas, and put extra effort in fixing these areas, often meeting with teachers for extra help. Using freshman year as a barometer for what not to do, I developed a strong work ethic that is in place to this day, establishing strong organization skills, time management and other study skills. Over the last three years, my grades have steadily increased, giving me the confidence that I can handle higher academic challenges.


Word count: 298 (I need to bring it down to 250. Help please!)

Up until 8th grade, I was a straight A student. I was able to coasted through school just usingwith my raw intelligence. Without putting much effort into schoolwork, I got good grades. With this confidence, I applied to the Academy of Math, Science and Engineering, a magnet school. I was aware that this high school program was going to be a rigorous one but I assumed that a little extra hard work was all that was needednecessary for me to succeedsuccess. I started freshman year, thinking that it was going to be as easy as middle school. However, that was not the case. I quickly realized that my intelligence was not enough to receive good grades in the Academy. I was stuck in a tough predicament. I knew what I was doing was not enough, but I had no idea how to do it right. I was working hard, but it was not yielding results. I don't particularly understand this sentence...I thought you were not working hard and relying solely on intelligence, which was the problem. This sentence makes it seem like you actually worked hard and still didn't do well.

I ended freshman year with a very low GPA. Even thoughAlthough the odds were stacked against me, I entered sophomore year determined to put the bad start behind me. As classes started, I wanted to make sure was determined that I didn'tnot make the same mistakes as I did freshman year. I understood that I had to combine my intelligence with hard work to achieve good grades in these classes. I identified my weak areas, and put extra effort in fixing these areas, often meeting with teachers for extra help. Using freshman year as a barometer for what not to do, I developed a strong work ethic that is in place to this day, establishing strong organization skills, time management and other study skillsuse specifics or cut this. you don't want to be vague.. Over the last three years, my grades have steadily increased, giving me the confidence that I can handle higher academic challenges.


There, I think I helped with the word count. I know you didn't ask for help with the essay overall, but I feel like you could do a better job with this. Right now it seems very emotionless and detached. I'm not saying you need to be melodramatic and use sensational language, but it seems like anyone could have written this. Just a thought.