JHU essay - why this major

Johns Hopkins offers 50 majors across the schools of
Arts & Sciences and Engineering. On this application, we ask you to identify one or two that you might like to pursue here. Why did you choose the way you did? If
you are undecided, why didn't you choose?

"Dad, can I have more pocket money? I have spent it all last Sunday." "Where did you spend it?" "Hum.... Food, presents, clothes, movies, bowling..." "The pocket money that I gave you two weeks ago was your monthly allowance and you spent it all in a day? If you are not going to manage your allowance properly, you are not going to receive any more allowance." Everything in our life ranging from managing our own money to investment banking involves economics. As my goal is to establish a company which involves international trade or at least to be involved in an international trade, choosing economics as my major will provide me sufficient knowledge that is required to be a successful businessman.

Besides that, my interest in Mathematics has also led to pursue my major in economics. I believe that an interest in Mathematics will enhance the learning of economics as both of them are related. In fact, the application of Mathematics to economics forms an essential part of the development of economics literature. For example, the notions of existence, cardinality, stability and optimality of equilibria are formalized by the use of basic conceptual vocabulary of calculus, analysis and point-set and differential topology.

Moreover, the department of Economics in Johns Hopkins University offers a research in economics course for undergraduate program. With this, I will have the opportunity to find an area of research and conduct a research. While learning economic theories are important, having the capability of analyzing issues concerning about real world economics is more important for an economic student. Enrolling in this course enables me to find an issue about the world's economy and thus analyze it.

When talking about economics, Johns Hopkins has a significant economic impact in Maryland. With the extensive number of visitors and patients attracted by the Johns Hopkins University and Johns Hopkins Medicine to Maryland every year, it helps to boost the economic growth in Maryland. It also created thousand of jobs for people. As the first American research university, the discoveries of Johns Hopkins research organizations have benefited the world and more importantly it has an economic impact closer to itself.

Pls comment on my essay. I was just the wandering if I should erase the last paragraph.
Thanks. :)

The opening dialogue, on its own, is a nice touch. In the context of the essay, it seems a bit out of place, since all it really does is establish that you lack any ability to manage your own finances, hardly a strong argument for accepting you into an economics program.


"Besides that, my interest in Mathematics has also led to pursue my major in economics" Revise to "I am also pursuing a major in economics because of my intense interest in mathematics."

"Enrolling in this course enables me to find an issue about the world's economy and thus analyze it." Um, so would reading any issue of The Economist. You may want to elaborate on this point.

Yes, you should erase the last paragraph. JHU's economic importance to Maryland is not, one assumes, a reason for you to go there to study economics.

"CEO, the check that we received from X company is a bounce check. X company is experiencing financial crisis and will be declaring bankrupt soon. Some of our investors have the thought of pulling out their investment in our company as they heard that our company will also be affected." The curiosity about economics came along when I watched the way the main characters in movies handle their companies. Why would people invest in companies? Why would companies become bankrupt? These questions brought me to the field of economics. I found out that there are many reasons people invest and companies become bankrupt. There are no specific ways to solve a financial crisis. One way may work for this situation, but not for another situation. The curiosity about economics has turned into interest, thus I chose economics as my major.

I am also pursuing a major in economics because of my intense interest in Mathematics. I believe that an interest in Mathematics will enhance the learning of economics as both of them are related. In fact, the application of Mathematics to economics forms an essential part of the development of economics literature. For example, the notions of existence, cardinality, stability and optimality of equilibria are formalized by the use of basic conceptual vocabulary of calculus, analysis and point-set and differential topology.

Moreover, the department of Economics in Johns Hopkins University offers a research in economics course for undergraduate program. With this, I will have the opportunity to find an area of research and conduct a research. While learning economic theories are important, having the capability of analyzing issues concerning about real world economics is more important for an economic student. Enrolling in this course enables me to research on current world economic crisis and analyze some of the possible causes of it.

How about this revised essay? How's the opening paragraph?
Thanks for the comments.

Your opening dialogue now ties in to your introduction much more clearly. Grammatically, "CEO, the check that we received from company X bounced. Company X is experiencing a financial crisis and will be declaring bankruptcy soon. Some of our investors are thinking of withdrawing their support for our company as they heard that we will also be affected." would be better.

"The curiosity about economics came along " Revise to "I became curious about economics"

"Why would companies declare bankruptcy?"

"The curiosity about economics has turned into interest, thus I chose economics as my major." Do you need this? Could you just substitute "interest" for "curiosity" at the start of your essay?

"Moreover, the department of Economics in Johns Hopkins University offers a research in economics course as part of its undergraduate program. Taking this course will give me the opportunity to discover which area of economics most interests me and to conduct research in it."