Interest in Math and Science - California Institute of Technology

Topic: Interest in math, science, or engineering manifests itself in many forms. Caltech professor and Nobel Laureate Richard Feynman (1918-1988) explained, "I'd make a motor, I'd make a gadget that would go off when something passed a photocell, I'd play around with selenium"; he was exploring his interest in science, as he put it, by "piddling around all the time." In a page, more or less, tell the Admissions Committee how you express your interest, curiosity, or excitement about math, science or engineering.

"I have something to tell you, Sam. I love you." I said, unhesitant. By admitting my feelings, I promised him to be loyal, dedicated, and compassionate unconditionally. I never regretted feeling affection towards him. He never gave me a reason to. I still remember the first time I met him in school. Since then, he has been always there in my life.

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It feels as if this essay is more focused on Sam, not you.
I mean, the whole point of writing this essay is to showcase something unique about yourself that does not appear on the Common App, and from this essay readers get to know a lot about Sam but not enough about you.

And when you wrote "In a math project, he helped us resolve real-life problems we made up"
maybe you should elaborate on that, because Caltech, as the questoin reads, wants to know how much you love and are willing to learn math/science.


Just my amateur opinion, good luck with your application.

"I have something to tell you, Sam. I love you." I said, unhesitant{this seems a bit awkward, or without hesitation, or maybe some other word can work better}. By admitting my feelings, I promised him to be loyal, dedicated, and unconditionally compassionate.
{I pledge to him loyalty, dedication, and an unconditional compassion.}

Never did I regret feeling affection towards him{showing him my affection}, for he never gave me a reason. I still remember the first time I met him in school (we met at). Since then, he has been always there in my life. {We've never been separated since.}
Sam was not the most popular; in fact, he was hated by many. Perhaps this was so because no one understood him truly (no one truly understood him}, or {merely}because no one gave him a chance. I think it's because he's not suitable for everyone. It didn't matter to me anyway, and it didn't change how I felt about him. Actually, I never thought twice before trying to include him in every activity I do {imaginable}. I never thought before bringing him along with me to the most important events.{what?}

He wouldn't feel left out if I didn't, but I did. Being in love makes me{one} do that, he seems to be all I think and talk about.
When I prepared for{preparing for} one of my Model United Nations conferences, I mentioned his points of view{perspective} about political issues, although many have told me that politics isn't relevant to him. Whoever told me that{this} was wrong for my resolutions and documents were successful. I felt strength and power using his way of thinking {Through him I felt strength and power} while debating and negotiating. I was influenced by him noticeably. {We was an incomparable influence.}
I remember when I was in eleventh grade;{In the eleventh grade, Sam helped me conduct research in school. Our chemistry teacher gave us four gases as potential causes of a series of diseases plaguing a family. To be honest, my group and I completely relied on him to prove which of the gases were the cause. In a math project, he helped us resolve real-life{practical} problems we made up. We got all the credit for him giving us all the answers and methods to reach them.{ We got all the credit, yet there was Sam, neglected and overlooked with nothing to show for all his contributions}.
I plan to spend more time with him in college. Nevertheless, that doesn't stop me from traveling with him in the summer{you can omit this}. This summer, we have been{took flight} to Michigan to attend Summer Youth Programs for four weeks, giving me a chance to explore a side of him unrevealed to me before. Through the Explorations in Engineering program I found he was....... Through the chemistry program and chemical engineering, I've witnessed his significance to the world both on a small and large scale..............how so????? I have{I've} used his concepts and beliefs to conduct several experiments, and to explain them to others. {Elaborate on these experiments and programs, this is what they'll be focusing on....they'll appreciate the love-letter format, but probably want to see some more evidence that this potential marriage is true and on solid foundation.....}

Sam is my best companion. Sam is always and will always be in my life and yours. "Hey you! What's your name?" a random police officer said, he thought Sam had crossed his limits. I didn't understand. Sam has no limits. "My name is Sam." He said. "Sam as in Samuel?" the officer asked. "No, Sam as in Science and Math." He replied. {This is the finale that makes your essay really good, I would put more thought and creativity towards it......}


Overall, very nice. I've thrown in a couple words and suggestions here and there but you can really go into more detail about how Sam's work brought the two of you closer together. Cal Tech's math and curriculum is all geared towards practical application and I think the admissions committee might want to see more detail as such. And also, do you ever plan on doing anything for Sam other than showing him all this unrequited love? Future contributions perhaps? By the way, I love Sam too, {But Sam as in short for Samantha or something like that though.....unfortunately she and I broke up a long time ago and is currently seeing some other guy. See, there was this really beautiful girl I met called Philosophy and the Humanities.....ahh I won't get too much into it.... I'm trying to win her back.... wish me luck!} And best of luck to you on Cal Tech. If you get in, that is just plain awesome.

Thanks a lot Jason!!
I do wish you luck.. When I read the essay to my mom she had a feeling that Sam was symbolic.. how can I emphasize the end?

The thing about applying for Caltech, I read a sample essay.... someone got accepted for writing about a stuffed animal! It really depends on how you write rather than what you write about.. So the end is where a reader will say,"ohhh" and reads the essay all over and it will mean something else the 2nd time.. how can I elaborate in the end?


Jay, Sam isn't a real person.. I was talking about science and math the whole time, only referring to them as if I were referring to a person I love.

Edited:

"I have something to tell ...

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"I have something to tell you, Sam. I love you." I said, confidently and without hesitations. By admitting my feelings, I pledged to him loyalty, dedication, and an unconditional compassion. Never did I regret showing him my affection, for he never gave me a reason. I still remember the first time we met at school, we've never been separated since.

Sam was not(never) the most popular; in fact, he was hated by many. Perhaps this was so because no one truly understood him truly, or merely because no one gave him a chance. I think it's because he's not suitable for everyone. It didn't matter to me anyway, and it didn't change how I felt about him. Actually, I never thought twice before trying to include him in every activity I do.
He wouldn't feel left out if I didn't, but I did. Being in love makes one does that, he seems to be all I think and talk about. {Describe Sam to the reader(e.g. cartesian coordinate system, equations, geometric laws, the calculus.........}

When I was preparing for one of my Model United Nations conferences, I mentioned his perspective about political issues, although many have told me that politics isn't relevant to him. Whoever told me this was wrong, for my resolutions and documents were successful. Through him I felt strength and power while debating and negotiating. He was an incomparable influence.

In the eleventh grade, Sam helped me conduct research in school. Our chemistry teacher gave us four gases as potential causes of a series of diseases plaguing a family. To be honest, my group and I completely relied on him to prove which of the gases the cause was. In a math project, he helped us resolve practical problems. We got all the credit, yet there was Sam, neglected and overlooked with nothing to show for all his contributions. {How did you rely on him? What equations/systems of thought did he provide? And how did you use it?}

This summer, we took a flight to Michigan to attend Summer Youth Programs for four weeks, giving me a chance to explore a side of him unrevealed to me before. Through the Explorations in Engineering program I found that his involvement in engineering and solving problems astonished me. Implementing his ideas, I can do numerous tasks I can never do without him. Sam and I have made a simple model of an engine, explored elements of the environment, operated machines, and more. Through the chemistry program and chemical engineering, I've witnessed his significance to the world both on a small and large scale. On a small scale, he helps individuals spend less time to accomplish what they want to do, like using liquid nitrogen to freeze the ingredients of vanilla ice cream instead of waiting for hours for it to become ready. On a large scale, he operates chemical labs and power plants and sets outlines for engineers to follow {what are these outlines?}, and therefore people can enjoy electricity and hot water. I have used his concepts and beliefs to conduct several experiments, and to explain them to others. {How so? Be specific} I was able to squeeze more than seven balloons into a 30x30 cm sized box. "So, when the temperature goes down, the volume goes down as the movements of the air's particles decrease. Just like I love to be very close to Sam on cold nights to feel his warmth, particles also come closer which results in a decrease of size." I explained.

Sam is my best companion. Sam is always and will always be in my life and yours. "Hey you! What's your name?" a random police officer said, he thought Sam had crossed his limits. I didn't understand. Sam has no limits. "My name is Sam." He said. "Sam as in Samuel?" the officer asked. "No, Sam as in Science and Math." He replied.

{You know, now I think about it, if you go into more detail about Science and Math, you won't need the concluding sentence.........What type of science did you use? Which laws and equations? What maths did you use? The details here are really the key I think....}

You probably have much better info than I do about what Cal Tech is looking for so please take these suggestions as personal opinions....I like how your essay reads, but from an initial perspective, I (a reader with a weak math/science background) did not get the impression you are really passionate about Science and Math, namely, because the themes you present are so broad and rather basic...I mean, a humanities major could have written this for all I know. Plus, doesn't Sam come to different people in different forms? Take Calculus for example, students using Spivak and Apostol are introduced to math much differently than by Stewart......The same can be said for physics textbooks....and how about the professors? Where do they stand relative to your relationship with Science and Math? Hope this helps. Good Luck to you!

Actually, Jason, your "opinions" are great! Your feedback is very useful.. each time I re-edit my essay in accordance with your advice, I feel that the essay is really improving.. I agree, science and math should be apparent in the essay, rather than just describing broadly..

Hmm, ok I tried to add some details.. Do you thing I don't need the last paragraph now?
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I have something ...

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"I have something to tell you, Sam," I said, "I love you." By admitting my feelings, I pledged to him loyalty, dedication, and an unconditional compassion. Never did I regret showing him my affection for he never gave me a reason. I still remember the first time we met at school; we've never separated since. Sam was never the most popular, in fact, he was hated by many. No one gave him a chance and very few understood him, yet my feelings for him never wavered. Sam came in different forms that depended on where I needed him.
When I was Sam has always been there for me. {take these feelings for Sam, embrace them, and THEN start writing your essay......}


While preparing for one of my Model United Nations conferences, his perspective{explain this perspective, was it numerical? objective? subjective?}on political issues- despite many telling me that politics was irrelevant to him- was an essential element for my success. Whoever told me this was wrong, for my resolutions and documents were successful. My {argument, speech,..... highlighting}...or you could ask a question here...like....How could one underscore the negative effects of nuclear radiation without..............?How could one track uranium and other fissile materials, or set radioactivity alarms and expand nuclear-free zones without the aid of...{get into detail here, did Same provide statistical methods or something of that nature here........? Without him, my negotiating skills would simply not have any strength or credibility. He was an incomparable influence.

Given four gases as potential causes of a series of diseases plaguing a family,we would never have been able to help them without Charles' and Boyle's Laws. In a math project, we resolved practical problems by using his equations on elevation and depression angles....How did YOU use SAM? We got all the credit, yet there was Sam, neglected and overlooked with nothing to show for all his contributions.

This summer, we took a flight to Michigan to attend Summer Youth Programs for four weeks, giving me a chance to explore a side of him unrevealed to me before. Through the Explorations in Engineering program, I found that his involvement in engineering and [s]solving problems problem solvingastonished me. Implementing his ideas, I can do numerous tasks I can never do without him. (repetitive)..... [/s]We built simple engine models, explored elements of the environment, operated machines, and ....... Through the chemistry program and chemical engineering, I've witnessed his significance to the world both on a small and large scale.
"spend less time to accomplish what they want to do"(try finding a word describing this....like.....efficiency?). From shaving the time necessary to make vanilla ice cream to operating chemical labs and power plants, setting outlines for engineers, to follow, and allowing therefore people can the rest of us to enjoy electricity and hot water. These outlines are scientific rules and theories that could be used to decipher mysteries and convert problems into opportunities. to prove the importance of these concepts. I have used his beliefs to conduct several experiments, and to explain them to others. One example is that
[I was able to squeeze more than seven balloons into a 30x30 cm sized box. "So, when the temperature goes down, the volume goes down as the movements of the air's particles decrease. Just like I love to be very close to Sam on cold nights to feel his warmth, particles also come closer which results in a decrease of size." I explained.]---You should look this whole section over again......Find words that can help you to eliminate long, boring sentences..the substance of your essay can be broken down into a small paragraph if you really think about it...you're not saying much..hope this helps...use the active voice more, and I'm still not convinced as a reader that you really love science and math.....good luck!

I definitely agree with the other posters here. The first part of the essay is so overwhelmingly about Sam, and not you. You describe what he was like, his popularity, things that he said. This is an essay about you, and you don't even show up until halfway through. You seem defined by "he" and "we," and you're neglecting "me."

well, now that I know Sam means Science and MAth, the whole essay makes sense.
But if the admission officers read this essay for the first time, they will have no idea until the last paragraph, and they might have to reread your essay.

Hehe, that's kinda my point..