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Hi, Would u check my essay especially third paragraph error?

okunaThreads: 5
Posts: 9
 Jan 24, 07, 12:22am   #1
A wallet, or purse for some, is a precious item in which most people carry things more essential than money towards everyday life. If some people were to lose that portable safe, they may be offset for the rest of that day. The person without that wallet could be cranky or depressed for a while. Maybe something of great sentimental value was in that wallet. This person could stay hold these feelings for a long time, until they find their belongings by which case they are filled with joy. I, personally, keep anything I may have interest in knowing where it is, in my wallet. I am very good about always having my wallet and never losing it...until recently.
In my wallet, I store dire personal items such as my passport and some pictures. Among other things, I have money, like everybody else, and certificates for stores. Last summer, I went to the Camp with my friends. The bad thing is I had all money which I collected from them to spend our trip. I drove down there with my wallet and took it everywhere with me, like I would any other time. Well, when someone doesn't have pockets, then it is hard to keep their wallet right next to them at all times. I was carrying my wallet out from the house, along with my keys, and set both on top of the car. When I figured out that I needed the keys in order to get in the car and turn it on, I took them off the top of the roof, leaving my wallet behind. I sat in the car, car door open, waiting for my friend to make it to the car so we could all go to swim. Once she made it to the car, without thinking, I closed the door and started the car. I had been driving about half a mile before I realized that my wallet was no longer on my body. Immediately, I pulled the car over, and the next hour or so was spent looking for my wallet. All I could think about was what we would lose if I didn't find my wallet. Aside from that we had 3000 Togrog which equals to 3$ in cash. While walking up and down the road that my wallet flew off on, my friend found my shopping card. That eased my mind a little. However, that was all we found of my dear wallet. My friends and I gave up after wasting an hour of finding nothing. Losing my wallet made me depressed for the rest of the day. I could not believe I did something so stupid.
(The next day, my mom called me and asked about our trip. I was afraid to tell her about I lost my wallet. That time I didn't say anything about the wallet. We decided to stay 3 days. After that we couldn't stay no longer there. We didn't have money to pay for the camp expense. We had no chance to leave that place. The good thing is we had enough gas to get back to home.)
Since that single event, I have lost my wallet two other times, none as serious as before. I have also lost something sincere to me by putting it on top of the car. However, I was fortunate enough to get it back. The carelessness of my misplacing has taught me a lesson, simply think before I act. This is something everyone is taught numerous times. Only now, it is easier for me to apply that to my actions. If I follow that idea, I could avoid future problems like this, preemptive caution. It took a scare like this for it to finally kick in to me.


and what topic is perfect on that? it will due tomorrow, I hope u can check my essay today.

Thank u

Ser GAn
 
EF_Team2Threads: 1
Posts: 2250
[Moderator]
 Jan 24, 07, 03:01am   #2
Greetings!

You didn't tell me exactly what the assignment was, so I can't tell you how well your essay fits the assigned topic, but I'd be happy to edit your essay for you!

A wallet or purse is a precious item in which most people carry things more essential than money to their everyday life. If some people were to lose that portable safe, they might be upset for the rest of the day. The person without that wallet could be cranky or depressed for a while. Maybe something of great sentimental value was in that wallet. I, personally, keep anything I may have interest in knowing where it is, in my wallet. I am very good about always having my wallet and never losing it ... until recently.
In my wallet, I store vital personal items such as my passport and some pictures. Among other things, I have money, like everybody else, and certificates for stores. Last summer, I went to the Camp with my friends. The bad thing is I had all the money which I collected from them to spend on our trip. I drove down there with my wallet and took it everywhere with me, like I would any other time. Well, when someone doesn't have pockets, then it is hard to keep their wallet right next to them at all times. I was carrying my wallet out from the house, along with my keys, and set both on top of the car. When I figured out that I needed the keys in order to get in the car and turn it on, I took them off the top of the roof, leaving my wallet behind. I sat in the car, car door open, waiting for my friend to make it to the car so we could all go to swim. Once she made it to the car, without thinking, I closed the door and started the car. I had been driving about half a mile before I realized that my wallet was no longer on my body. Immediately, I pulled the car over, and the next hour or so was spent looking for my wallet. All I could think about was what we would lose if I didn't find my wallet. Aside from that [aside from what? you didn't really say] we had 3000 Togrog which equals to 3$ in cash. While walking up and down the road that my wallet flew off on, my friend found my shopping card. That eased my mind a little. However, that was all we found of my dear wallet. My friends and I gave up after wasting an hour, finding nothing. Losing my wallet made me depressed for the rest of the day. I could not believe I did something so stupid.
The next day, my mom called me and asked about our trip. I was afraid to tell her I lost my wallet. and didn't say anything about it. My friend and I decided to stay at the camp three days. After that we couldn't stay any longer -- we didn't have money to pay for the camp expense. We had no choice but to leave that place. The good thing is we had enough gas to get back home.
Since then, I have lost my wallet two other times, none as serious as before. [I'd take out the part about the "sincere thing."] The carelessness of misplacing my wallet has taught me a lesson: to simply think before I act. This is something everyone is taught numerous times. Only now, it is easier for me to apply that to my actions. If I follow that idea, I could avoid future problems like this, using pre-emptive caution. It took a scare like this for it to finally kick in.

Hope this helps. Best of luck!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Sarah, EssayForum.com
 
okunaThreads: 5
Posts: 9
 Jan 24, 07, 08:50am   #3
Thank u so much, how quick u check my essay lol, Today just let my theacher check, maybe I need to add something, I' ll contact u again.

Ser GAn
 
EF_Team2Threads: 1
Posts: 2250
[Moderator]
 Jan 25, 07, 01:27am   #4
You're welcome!

Sarah

Sarah, EssayForum.com
 

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