"Grandfather"--UC Personal Statement #2

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?


any help is appreciated..thx....
also, any knows if i have to give a title for each UC personal statement prompet??


I, as the only child in my family, had been doted by both grandparents and parents since I was born. When I was 12, I knew that my grandfather had advanced prostate cancer, which was impossible to be cured. But nothing changed after he knew his illness; my grandfather still drove me to the school every morning, and bought me food after class. At that time, I did not realize that he was actually getting weaker.
5 years later, my grandfather survived miraculously, and it surprised both us and the doctor. Consequently, we tried to avoid the fact that my grandfather was so weak because of the fighting against cancer. Everything seemed to be back on the track, so I decided to come to the United States for attending high school. My parents wanted me to be an independent person, so they supported me as soon as they knew my plan. My grandfather did not say anything at first; I knew that he wanted me to stay with him at the end of his life. However, he changed his mind, and encouraged me to study in San Francisco. Without any regret, I came here, and adapted to the new life easily. When I was struggling with excessive homework, my parents told me that my grandfather was getting more serious; in other words, my grandfather is dying. "Going back or staying?" my mind was totally occupied by this question. Of course, went back and saw him for the last time was a responsible for grandson; however, dropped school for such a long time was not appropriate for an international student. Eventually, my grandfather talked to me, and told me not to go back. So, my parents and I followed his idea, and he passed away soon after that.
In the past, I did not realize the importance of my grandfather; but I fell into deep regret after losing him. My mind seemed to be emptied, and refilled with pain. No tear, no sob, I was just so sad that even tear could not express my emotion.
After my grandfather's death, I know that we should treasure everything we have so far. Leading by this idea, I become a person who knows thanksgiving to others. I know the people who love me are supporting me, and I also know the people who hate me are also alerting me.
So gratitude becomes a part of my personality.

anyone help??

As the only child in my family, I have been doted...

No need for comma after "here":
Without any regret, I came here and adapted to the new life easily.

...told me that my grandfather was getting more serious; in other words, my grandfather was dying.

Of course, to go back and see him for the last time would be the responsible thing for grandson to do; however, dropping school for such a long time was not appropriate action for an international student to take. Eventually, my grandfather talked to me and told me not to go back. So, my parents and I followed his idea, and he passed away soon after that.

At the end, you make a very wise observation about gratitude! I think you should also acknowledge, at the end, that the decision you made was the incorrect one, and you should say that you want to achieve great success in college so that the sacrifice your grandfather made by encouraging you to stay in San Francisco will have been a fruitful one.

Sorry for your loss! Press on...

thank you all so much...i will revisit it...