Extracurricular activity elaboration--"Project Green"

This is my short answer for the common app that asks to elaborate on an extracurricular activity.
I am 7 words over the limit as of now...

i'm sure there are at least some revisions to be made. any suggestions are greatly appreciated! =D

Out of all ...

SEE BELOW


any suggestion on how i could shorten the essay to meet the word limit (150) while simultaneously making the answer stronger?

maybe somehow reverse the sentence order? what astounded you and what motivated

I don't really know how to though

for example

like umm... "x was killed by y" to "y killed x". that shortens the sentence.

thats a good idea, but it doesnt really work with those sentences because i'm trying to say that the experience i had while cleaning parks motivated me to do more and become VP. i dont know how i could reverse that and it still make sense... i'll work on that.

so as far as the rest of the essay goes, do you think everything flows nicely?

thanks for the suggestion! =)

This is a revised version. its 1 word over the limit of 250 words, but thats not too much of a concern.
please suggest anything! =)

Out of all the extracurricular activities I am involved in, Project Green is by far my favorite. I was introduced to Project Green during my junior year of high school when a friend suggested I join. I was reluctant at first, because I had never really been the "environmentalist" type. After I joined, however, my view completely changed. While cleaning up parks with my fellow Project Green members one Saturday morning, I was astounded at how vastly a small group of people could make a difference; I was motivated to do more. The following year, I was elected Vice President of Project Green and was more involved than ever. I initiated the making of a community garden outside of our high school and raised awareness around the Dallas community. Project Green has helped me understand that with commitment and time, a simple effort can turn out to be a huge accomplishment.

This may free up some space for you to add more "meat" (CAPs are my suggestions)

Out of all the extracurricular activities I am involved in Project Green is by far my favorite., AS A junior year of in high school, I was introduced to Project Green during my when by a friend suggested I join. because I had never really been NOT CONSIDERING MYSELF the "environmentalist" type, I was reluctant at first. After I joined, HOWEVER, my view completely changed while cleaning up parks with my fellow Project Green members one Saturday morning. I was astounded at how vastly (NEED A BETTER WORD OR JUST LEAVE IT OUT) a small group of people could make a difference; I was motivated to do more. The following year, I was elected (WHAT GOT YOU ELECTED?) Vice President of Project Green and was more involved than ever. I initiated and raised awareness (GOT FUNDING?)the making of around the Dallas community FOR PLANTING a community garden outside of our high school. Project Green has helped me understand that with commitment and time, a simple effort can turn out to be a huge accomplishment.(HOW ABOUT MAKE A HUGE DIFFERENCE? AVOIDS THE READER CHALLENGING YOUR ASSESSMENT OF WHAT ARE HUGE ACCOMPLISHMENTS.)

Just cut down the sentence:Out of all the extracurricular activities I am involved in, Project Green is by far my favorite.

anyway, your essay is fine,but not impressive. On offense.
I guess you'd better add some concrete into your essay~~

good luck!

i wish i had read the last two comments before i submitted my apps. DX
well, its too late for EA apps, but i'll rewrite it for my other apps. thanks guys! =)