EssayForum.com
Free Academic Writing and Research Help
Faq / Register

All Threads / Unanswered      Welcome: Guest 38.107.191.91

» Username:   » Password:    [Forgot password?]

Only registered members may post here. Please login or REGISTER first.

Essay Forum / Undergraduate Admission Essays /

experience essay -- my draft -- tour of college


cissylewel 5-29  Oct 30, 09, 04:34am  #
the last paragraph seems a littel awkward````anyway, welcome criticism!!!!

this is my second draft````anyone read it````

My bedroom wall ...

SEE BELOW

You may already know-- my smile and confident manners finally convinced Jeanswest agency give us 60% discount. Let's go on.
 
cissylewel 5-29  Oct 30, 09, 11:38am  #
i need to meet 11.1 deadline! please help!! any advice is welcome!
 
rafeeki92 3-11  Oct 30, 09, 07:37pm  #
I wasn't actually sure what your "experience" was throughout the essay. You should clarify that a bit more. Also, you should write how the experience impacted you. It should be a bit deeper than Together with learning some strategies on bargaining table, I gradually realized how persuasive I am when dealing with people. in my opinion.

Fahim Rofique
 
jaimeealexis [Suspended] 3-11  Oct 31, 09, 06:23am  #
It's a little unclear. I would also change "In Jeanswest, marketing manager received us, however gave no acceptable discount, obviously, because our demand was far from qualified. And the same situation in Metersbonwe." I wouldn't say received us. You can just say cooperated with us

jaimee andaya
 
cissylewel 5-29  Oct 31, 09, 09:14am  #
thanks! that really help :p and i wrote my 4th draft.... please read and give some advice.. i must submit it by 11.1``` thnx!

After a college tour, an original idea of designing then making our school logo T-shirt gathered Curtis, Helen and me together. Several days later, our passion became a great social practice plan that interesting and beneficial simultaneously: marketing research, selling experiment, and, volume produce!

2500 pieces of questionnaires illustrated that our schoolmates preferred famous brands to be the blank T-shirt where we printed logo. We googled some manufacturers of Nike, Jeanswest and Metersbonwe and called them, but resulted in ridicules on our ignorable demand. So we visited their exclusive stores, in which we still didn't get acceptable discount.

Thus, talks about how much they can discount filled up my whole summer. To persuade them that we deserved a low price, we brought quiet a few reasons, like "we actually propagandized your brand if we use your clothes" or "we will submit bigger orders soon"; we even showed them our proposal to demonstrate how prospective this market can be.

I looked into the manager's eyes, "Will you sell these out in the end of summer, sir?" smiled. "Oh, autumn is coming!" Curtis responded at once. Bargaining table is a place where brains work rapidly, yet fact and reason don't work that well as strategies. Sometimes we push, while we also compromise, like TaiJi. Gradually, with these negotiating experiences, I felt free when dealing with people, and convinced Jeanswest successfully.

Story didn't stop here, but the negotiating experience is already special and meaningful enough to me. My first-time involvement of real world released my braveness and firmness to unknown, as well taught me so much about interpersonal skills, which seemed week before I devoted myself into this plan. Reality is much tougher than I thought, however chances and solutions are also everywhere.
 

Essay Forum / Undergraduate Admission Essays /
All Threads / Unanswered / Random / Search     Go UPtop of page

Similar threads to: experience essay -- my draft -- tour of college

Previous thread Next thread
Macaulay Honors-Internet is a boon to Intellectual Development "It's a Sign" + " Artistic Interpretation"

 
All times are CST [GMT -6]

__________________________________

Home - Search - About Us - Faq - EF Contributors - Contact Us

Copyright (C) 2006-2009 EssayForum.com  Disclaimer, Privacy Policy, TOS  EssayForum RSS