essay of Virginia DId I answer the question+ grammar

What work of art, music, science, mathematics, or literature has surprised, unsettled, or challenged you, and in what way.

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Any comment on my essay is welcomed. Thanks for your help :)

What work of art, music, science, mathematics, or literature has surprised, unsettled, or challenged you, and in what way.


Imagine a world where everyone is healthier and smarter than you. Imagine a world
where you are discriminated since your birth, only because of your inferior DNA. Imagine a world where your fate is determined even before your birth. Imagine a world where there are no personality differences but just DNA differences.

This unsettling world is where Vincent Freeman lives, who without the help of genetic engineering, has subordinate DNA. The genetic test shows he has bad eyesight, heart problems and life expectancy of 30 years. From the day he was born, he was destined to be a cleaner.

However, Vincent Freeman surprises me by challenging the unfair system. Hoping to leave the ugly world, Vincent dreams of becoming a crew member in Gattaca on an expedition to one of the moons of Saturn. One thing blocks his dream, his DNA. He assumes the identity of an athlete who has genes that would allow him to achieve his dream of space travel. Finally, he left the earth and accomplished his dream.

This film Gattaca not only unsettled and surprised me, but also changed me. In the past, I used to believe that destiny could not be changed. I could only be a normal person, but after watching Gattaca, I understood the power of dream. I would never doubt my dream and myself any more. If there is something which cannot be changed, it is DNA. That's all. The sea called "impossible" finally has its end.

I changed achieved to accomplished because you already used achieved earlier.
Took the word "that" out of the genetic test shows that he has bad .... If the word that is unnecessary than take it out, it's just a filler word.
Took out comma after the word who.
Took out the word so.
I am not really good on tenses but I think you shifted on this paragraph
However, Vincent Freeman surprises me by challenging the unfair system. Hoping to leave the ugly world, Vincent dreams of becoming a crew member in Gattaca on an expedition to one of the moons of Saturn. One thing blocks his dream, his DNA. He assumes the identity of an athlete who has genes that would allow him to achieve his dream of space travel. Finally, he left the earth and accomplished his dream.

This is a good essay. Best of luck.

Thanks very much for your advice. It does help :)

Imagine a world where everyone is healthier and smarter than you. Imagine a world
where you are discriminated against since your birth, only because of your inferior DNA. Imagine a world where your fate is determined even before your birth. Imagine a world where there are no personality differences, but instead just DNA differences.

This unsettling world is where Vincent Freeman lives, who, without the help of genetic engineering, has subordinate DNA. The genetic test shows that he has bad eyesight, heart problems and life expectancy of 30 years. From the day he was born, he was destined to be a cleaner.

However, Vincent Freeman surprises me by challenging the unfair system. Hoping to leave the ugly world, Vincent dreams of becoming a crew member in Gattaca on an expedition to one of the moons of Saturn. One thing blocks his dream. His DNA. So he assumes the identity of an athlete who has genes that would allow him to achieve his dream of space travel. Finally, he left the earth and achieved his dream.

The film "Gattaca" unsettled and surprised me, and it also changed me. In the past, I believed that destiny could not be changed. I could only be a normal person, but after watching Gattaca, I understood the power of dream. I would never doubt my dream and myself any more. If there is something which cannot be changed, it is DNA. That's all. The sea called "impossible" finally has its end.

This was very interesting! Thanks for adding interest to my work day. Not too much to correct!

Thanks for all your help :)

well ,i think it is a little bit confusing.. are you talking about the DNA or the film?

I make some changes to make the essay more expressive. I focus less on the story but focus more one the way it unsettles, surprises, and most importantly changes me.

Please give me more advice. Any comment is welcomed. :)


Imagine a world where your fate is determined even before your birth. Imagine a world where there are no personality differences, but just DNA differences. Imagine a world where you are discriminated against since your birth, only because of your secondary DNA.

This world in the film "Gattaca" unsettles me by reminding me of the real world. In this world, our fates are largely influenced by our family backgrounds. People with better backgrounds enjoy higher social status and resources, and therefore can succeed easily, while it seems hard for people with inferior backgrounds to achieve.

Fortunately, the protagonist Vincent Freeman surprises me by his strong will to make his dream come true. Without the help of genetic engineering, Vincent is born with flawed DNA. From the day he was born, he was destined to be a cleaner. However, he never accepts his fate. He dreams of being an astronaut, which is blocked by his DNA. Through constant efforts, he finally accomplishes his dream.

The film "Gattaca" not only unsettled and surprised me but also changed me. In the past, I believed that destiny could not be changed. As a man from a very normal family, I could only be an ordinary person who leads tedious life. But after watching Gattaca, I understood the power of dream. I cannot determine my parentage, however, I can improve my life and accomplish by pursuing my dream with unremitting efforts. If there is something which cannot be changed, it is DNA. That's all. The sea called "impossible" finally has its end.