essay for ambassadorial scholarship. ASAP!

Hi. I know this is terrible. I have no experience in writing essays plus grammar issues and weak vocabulary.
This is the first part:
"A brief autobiography, no longer than two pages (excluding translation), describing:
• Academic strengths and challenges
• Work experience
• Volunteer activities"


________________________________________________

Since the day I could talk ...

SEE BELOW
______________

please be harsh

So? How does any of this translate into any one of these:
• Academic strengths and challenges
• Work experience
• Volunteer activities"

And this is a problem throughout your essay. Even when you move on to stuff that does relate to the prompt, it all seems sort of random and disjointed, like a list of things you were into organized by little more than chronological order. However, you want your essay, like all good essays, to have a strong, clear thesis, in this case one that says something good about you. Then, you want the details you include in the body of your essay to act as supporting evidence for that thesis. That said, chronological order is okay, so long as it doesn't get in the way of constructing a strong argument for your thesis.

Since the day I could talk and heretofore? people ask me, "Who do you want to be?". Initially, I wanted to be an ice cream seller because I would javascript:paste_strinL(selektion,%209,%20'',%20'',%20'')get some for free for my family and friends. Later I decided to become a veterinarian so I could help suffering animals. Then I decided to be an artist to make the world more beautiful.
When I was 8 my dad showed me how to play chess and, in one year, I joined the school chess club/. My parents claimed that I was talented in drawing and I have had drawing classes for 4 years. In 8th grade I joined humanities class and switched to physics and mathematics at 10th. (? awkward sentence) Before graduation in 2003, I thought that I knew exactly who I wanted to be – an architect. With this strong belief, I applied to Tula State Technical University and was accepted.
My parents are heating engineers, so as my older sister and brother, cousins, aunts and uncles. I seem to be a revolutionary in a family. I respect the job they are doing but my heart tells me this is not what I am intended for. I do not want to be a follower on built path and walk on old footprints, I would rather/prefer to create my own way to success. It is more difficult; however, worthwhile.
During 6 years at university I've taken 10 course projects. Even though not all my grades were excellent, I worked hard and learned a lot. Working in groups requires ability in finding compromises, strict deadlines made me organize working process better. Participation in Week of Student Science Research enriched my experience of public speaking and brought few awards.
Student's life is rich and eventful but summertime is all yours. In 2007 I enrolled Camp Leaders program to work as a counsellor, swimming and sailing instructor in United States. This camp in Pennsylvania made a major impact on my life and gave me 3 amazing summers. Being a role model 24/7, I developed leadership qualities and was a part of joint action with people from different countries and cultures.
Right after my first experience at camp I entered Ope School of Business. I am a 5th year student studying marketing. Meeting new people opened more horizons for me.
I am still not sure who I'll become. But there's one thing that guides me through my life with every little or big decision I make – caring of other people. It's just the beginning.

-------- make all your numbers into words (i.e. - instead of "8" say "eight")
----- and try to eliminate apostrophes (i.e - instead of "I've" say "I have")

all the best.

Thank you so much. I added few more paragraphs and still working on it.
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Since the day I could talk and until now, people ask me: “Who do you want to be?”. Initially, I wanted to be an ice cream seller because I would get some for free for my family and friends. Later I decided to become a veterinarian so I could help suffering animals. Then I decided to be an artist to make the world more beautiful.
When I was 8 my dad showed me how to play chess, and, in one year, I joined the school chess club. My parents claimed that I was talented in drawing and I have had drawing classes for 4 years. At eight grade I was keen to humanities subjects but turned my interests to physics and mathematics at tenth. Before graduation in 2003, I thought that I knew exactly who I want to be – an architect. With this strong belief, I applied to Tula State Technical University and was accepted.
My parents are heating engineers, so as my older sister and brother, cousins, aunts and uncles. I seem to be a revolutionary in a family. I respect the job they are doing but my heart tells me this is not what I am intended for. I do not want to be a follower on built path and walk on old footprints, I would rather create my own way to success. It is more difficult; however, worthwhile.
During six years at university I’ve made ten course projects. Even thought not all my grades were excellent, I worked hard and learned a lot. Working in groups requires ability in finding compromises, strict deadlines made me organize working process better. Participation in Week of Student Science Research enriched my experience of public speaking and brought few awards.
Student’s life is rich and eventful but summertime is all yours. In 2007 I enrolled Camp Leaders program to work as a counsellor, swimming and sailing instructor in United States. This camp in Pennsylvania made a major impact on my life and gave me 3 amazing summers. Being a role model 24/7, I developed leadership qualities and was a part of joint action with people from different countries and cultures.
Camp has changed my life. I did not think that I am good with kids, I have always been the youngest in a family and sibling even scoffed at me before departing. But I wanted to try and prove them wrong. And I did. My co-counselor and me cooperated well and we build a strong, bullying- free and loving community in our bunk. The most significant moments of summers were not getting counsellor of the week award, but being proud when “my” children achieved something or tried something new. I taught them and I learned from them. Not only informal English and Michael Jackson’s moonwalk (which is pretty crucial too) but mostly to be up for everything. Eight weeks at camp are going fast, that is where I learned to appreciate every day, every single minute of life should be meaningful.
Working at camp and looking at young, healthy kids gave me thoughts about other side of childhood. My architectural graduation project is Children’s Hospice in Tula region. During research I was shocked with numbers: every hour one child in Russia gets cancer, every four hours a child dies. Cancer treatment saves 70-75% of lifes but we cannot help the rest of them. However, we can provide an environment which will help children and their parents to get over physical and mental pain.
After I told campers about other children life they were under the impression. I can see that they started to appreciate their family more and two of them even started volunteering and induced their parents to send clothes and toys they are not using for someone who can’t afford it. I am happy I made that impact.

Right after my first experience at camp I entered Ope School of Business. I am a fifth year student studying marketing. Meeting new people opened more horizons for me.

I am still not sure who I’ll become. But there’s one thing that guides me through my life with every little or big decision I make – caring of other people. It’s just the beginning.

could someone please at least check grammar and punctuation?

My original comments still apply. Adding more random stuff to an already random essay does not count as making it more focused. Try to come up with a clear thesis you can relate everything to, and then revise your essay to tie everything back to it.