CORNELL SUPPLEMENTAL ESSAY (an interest in the sciences) - PLEASE CRITIQUE

I have developed an interest in the sciences through my courses and activities during high school. Specifically, I found biology to be engaging, because of its potential to change and improve the quality of people's lives. My AP Biology course and my involvement in the Annenberg Science Symposium were especially important in immersing me into the field of science.

REMOVED

~ Is this too short?? I believe it is around 378 words.

If so, what should I add???

I honestly can't think of anything else to say.

Thank you in advance!

I have developed an interest in the sciences through my courses and activities during high school.

I rearranged some things:

My passion for biology began when I took AP Biology. I found biology to be engaging, because of its potential to change and improve the quality of people's lives. My AP Biology course and my involvement in the Annenberg Science Symposium were especially important in immersing me into the field of science. Now finish this paragraph with some mention of how you can pursue the interest at this college to which you are applying...how you came to decide that cornell is perfect for you.


Having the opportunity to learn about the organization and intricate functions of the human body initially sparked my interest in biology. For example, as I learned about the circulatory system, I became intrigued by the systematic, yet complex, mechanics of the heart. As the course became more detailed and complicated, my interest in the elaborate organ systems grew. During this time, my growing appreciation for the various organ systems allowed me to develop interests in other aspects of biology.

While my interest in biology began in class, I was able to form a more comprehensive and practical view of the field through the Annenberg Science Symposium. The Annenberg Science Symposium is an interscholastic organization, in which students research medical innovations and conduct a presentation for the staff at local hospitals. The symposium gave me the opportunity to work with experts to research bioterrorism prevention, cancer treatment with nano-particles, RNA-based therapeutics, and neurostimulation. The in-depth study of cutting-edge advances exposed me to the real-life applications of science. Annenberg also gave me the opportunity to view a live surgery. I researched the specific surgical procedure and was able to discuss it with the surgeon during the surgery. I was in awe as I witnessed the application of biology in improving lives. These experiences propel me to further pursue my interest in biology in college.

Now, as you write the concluding paragraph, mention some specific programs, resources, etc., at cornell, which you can learn about by researching it online...

Good luck!!!

Cornell's biology program will give me the resources to continue my pursuit of biology. The abundant research opportunities will provide me with more avenues to explore the diversity of the field. Cornell's dedication to the bio-revolution will offer a unique community, in which I will be able to expand my own interests. The biology program will also give me the opportunity to understand and engage in the current biological advances in the international scientific community. I have no doubt that the students and faculty at Cornell will promote my growth as a distinct individual and scientist.

My passion for biology began when I took AP Biology. I found biology to be engaging, because of its potential to change and improve the quality of people's lives. My AP Biology course and my involvement in the Annenberg Science Symposium were especially important in immersing me into the field of science. My guidance counselor was the first person to urge me to further research Cornell University. As I looked more closely at Cornell's website, I became more interested in the various aspects of the school. As my curiosity intensified, so did my need for more knowledge. With my counselor's help, I came in contact with a Cornell student who is currently in her senior year. As she raved of Cornell's outstanding philosophy, diverse selection of courses and programs and fervent devotion to the sciences, Cornell University instantaneously became the number one on my list.

Having the opportunity to learn about the organization and intricate functions of the human body initially sparked my interest in biology. For example, as I learned about the circulatory system, I became intrigued by the systematic, yet complex, mechanics of the heart. As the course became more detailed and complicated, my interest in the elaborate organ systems grew. During this time, my growing appreciation for the various organ systems allowed me to develop interests in other aspects of biology.

While my interest in biology began in class, I was able to form a more comprehensive and practical view of the field through the Annenberg Science Symposium. The Annenberg Science Symposium is an interscholastic organization, in which students research medical innovations and conduct a presentation for the staff at local hospitals. The symposium gave me the opportunity to work with experts to research bioterrorism prevention, cancer treatment with nano-particles, RNA-based therapeutics, and neurostimulation. The in-depth study of cutting-edge advances exposed me to the real-life applications of science. Annenberg also gave me the opportunity to view a live surgery. I researched the specific surgical procedure and was able to discuss it with the surgeon during the surgery. I was in awe as I witnessed the application of biology in improving lives. These experiences propel me to further pursue my interest in biology in college.

Cornell's biology program will give me the resources to continue my pursuit of biology. The abundant research opportunities will provide me with more avenues to explore the diversity of the field. Cornell's dedication to the biology will offer a unique community, in which I will be able to expand my own interests. The biology program will also give me the opportunity to understand and engage in the current biological advances in the international scientific community. With over 300 biology faculty on the Ithaca campus alone, Cornell's various departments such as Microbiology and Molecular Biology and Genetics are not limited to Cornell's exceptional teaching and research in biology. Furthermore, the flexibility of the Program of Study in General Biology will give me the freedom to expand my horizons and allow the scope of the my interests and creativity in designing a course of study. I have no doubt that the students and faculty at Cornell will promote my growth as a distinct individual and scientist.

Thank you so much!
This is my edited essay... can you please review it!

Thanks once again!