Common App (In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your...)

Prompt: In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer).

As I am shelving books, a child approaches me with a confused look on his face. The cause of his confusion: he wants to know how to pronounce a word. I volunteer at the library where I manage the reading program in which the children learn how to read. I read stories to the children on some days, and on other days make them do reading exercises that teach them how to read. I have always been passionate about helping others, so naturally I always do my best to make their experience as entertaining and beneficial as possible. As a result, the children benefit tremendously from the program, because it not only improves their school grades, but also teaches them an essential lifelong skill. While, ostensibly the children don't fully appreciate what the library is doing for them, the most rewarding part for me is that I make a difference in those children's lives.

It's a little over 150 words. Will they mind? Can you please check it and make sure it flows, and is grammatically correct? Thanks.

I really like it, you were able to pull it together really well! And NO, do NOT let it be over 150 words!

Thanks, and do you have any suggestions about which words I can replace, because it is exactly 156 words.

You might be able to throw in some contractions...such as "I've" instead of "I have." The only thing is that you want to make sure that, even with contractions, your essay still sounds classy. :)

Yeah, I know what you mean, that's why I tried to stay away from contractions, because it makes it informal. I still have no idea of make it 6 words less.

Changer "The cause of his confusion: he wants to know how to pronounce a word." to "He asks how to pronounce a word." perhaps? That shaves off seven words right there. Otherwise, really good approach to the short answer. I've been having difficulty as well and you gave me an idea on how to tackle mine. Thanks and good luck.

"Hey, Mister. What's this word?"

It reads very well, actually. I wouldn't mess with contractions, though. The quote above is the best place to cut, I think.

Thank you so much, Matt and Stephen. That looked a little obscure to me as well.

As far as the online common app goes, you have to type this response into a box that cuts you off at 150 words; so yes, they will mind.

Anyway, here area few suggestions:

I volunteer at the library where I manage the childrens'reading program in which the children learn how to read. I read stories to the children on some days, and on other days make them dolead them in reading exercises that teach them how to readRead, read, read: it gets a bit repetitive. Can you substitute this for a specific example, ie "reading exercises that introduce them to new vocabulary" etc. I have always been passionate about helping others, so naturally I always do my best to make their experience as entertaining and beneficiarewardingl as possible. As a result, the children benefit tremendously from the program, because it not only improves their school grades, but also teaches them an essential lifelong skill. While, ostensibly This word seems a bit out of place given the tone of the rest of your essay. Maybe consider replacing it w/ something more straightforward.the children don't fully appreciate what the library is doing for them, the most rewarding part for me is that I make a difference in those children's lives.

Maretta, thanks for the revisions. About the comment about the word ostensibly, well you see I was going to write the entire like the one seen below, but i was afraid that I wouldn't be able to say what i wanted to say in the essay in the 150 word limit.

Can everyone please read the one below also, and tell me whether I should revise my essay about the activities, so that the essays are parallel in structure? Also, for the essay below can you help me explain how it affected me: I'm trying to say the moment helped me realize my career as an adult, and that I've tried to do what ever I can that will help me prepare for my career. I also have no idea how to express what type of person I am to the college. Do you think the activities one will suffice with that? I am also going to use the additional information section for that. ANY AND ALL Criticisms ARE WELCOME.

Prompt: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

Faintly I heard 3! ... 2! ... Why was someone counting down? Where was I? 1! ... A thousand more questions rushed into my head. Launch! Incapable of restraining myself any further, I tore the blindfold off and let the light gush into my eyes. After a few seconds of senseless searching, my eyes were requited with the sight of a steaming rocket in the distance. I was stuck with a sense of curious delight, and as quickly as the first, I was overcome with profound anticipation. I entered a half-conscious state for I could see but not see anything else, I could hear but not hear anything else, and I could think but not think about anything else; but about the phenomenon that was occurring before me. On that day, April 20th, 2004, I witnessed a rocket launch for the first time at the Vandenberg Air Force Base.

My eyes dilated and my heart raced, as my brain tried frantically to compile all of the thoughts and emotions rushing through my head. I resuscitated and took my dad's binoculars determined to get a better view of the rocket, and as soon as I peered through them, I was mesmerized once again. The subtlety of the roar of the engines became apparent as I saw every detail of the rocket. As I watched, I noticed how every one of its mechanical parts worked in unison, giving it a poetic prose.

As the rocket soared higher and higher, at one point the sunlight reflected off of the rocket and momentarily blinded me; however, when I saw the rocket again I saw the symbol that penetrated my heart and became engraved in my vision of my future. I saw the round red, white and blue insignia of NASA. At that moment I saw no distinction between the sky and the rocket, only the insignia that dragged me into the unknown frontier along with it. All of my worries disappeared as I found what I had been searching for: a direction to my life. I discovered that I wanted my future career to be an Aerospace Engineer for NASA.

While, I had no idea how to accomplish such a goal, I knew in my soul that it was meant to be. As a result, I centered my entire life henceforth, to prepare myself for my future.

Sounds like someone blowing smoke. The whole essay is ruined with this. Delete! Delete! Delete!

Henceforth? Geez! Who talks that way?

Haha, thanks. Hmmm, now I'm going to have to go and find a way to say that the moment helped me realize my career as an adult, and that I've tried to do what ever I can that will help me prepare for my career. I'm really having trouble with this part and I don't know why. Oh yeah, so do you think I should revise my earlier essay?