Common App short answer: 150 words "OAKLAND ROYALS"

Common App short answer: 150 words "OAKLAND ROYALS"

I began volunteering with the Oakland Royals, a youth baseball team created to influence the struggling adolescents of Oakland to escape the deadly cycle of drugs and violence into which they were born. The Royals were started five years ago when Oakland resident, Roscoe Bryant, had a teenage neighbor die in his arms after a drive-by shooting, in Oakland's notorious Ghost Town neighborhood. For the Royals, I coach, carpool, and fundraise money. My first and ongoing project, a fundraiser to buy team hats, I collected thousands of recyclable bottles and cans. However, the greatest choice I made was to become a coach. Spending hours at the field, I teach more than just throwing and double plays; I teach maturity and the importance of moral values. Although I may coach the kids, what they do not know is by being a part of their lives, they instruct me infinitely more. The kids have pushed me out of my comfort zone and given me lessons of privilege and opportunity.

Your paragraphs looks great! You did a great job expressing your experience in a nice short answer.

Only thing that I think you may need to check on is the following statement:

"The kids have pushed me out of my comfort zone and given me lessons of privilege and opportunity."

I think to satisfy parallelism in your sentence structure it would be "and have given me lessons"

I may be wrong, its just what I have been taught at my school.

that sounds good. thanks patelj!