Common App Short Answer.. please read and provide suggestions

this is the answer for the short answer question.. it is 148 words..

In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer).


It has been a long tiring walk to the restaurant from the Port Authority. I finally reached the restaurant and my body quickly adapted to the basement's soothing temperature. I picked up my daily agenda book and dialed the supplier's number and requested the stock to be filled ASAP. Meanwhile, the stock from K.B. and brothers arrived. I picked up the sacks of food items and put them in the store room. Then, I went to my head chef and told him that the inventory has been restocked.

As an inventory and supply manager of the restaurant, such is a typical work day for me. Talking to suppliers, arranging for meetings with the owner and negotiating for prices is my basic job requirement. These job requirements have improved me a lot in building better work ethics and a sense of dedication and determination towards aiming for a goal.

Take the "and" out after agenda book and replace it with comma.
ASAP should be replaced with as soon as possible or another word that means the same
"a lot" makes the writer sound young

hope this helps! Good luck :)

It had been a long tiring walk to the restaurant from the Port Authority. I finally reached the restaurant and my body quickly adapted to the basement's soothing temperature.

Then, I went to my head chef and told him that the inventory had been restocked.


As inventory and supply manager of the restaurant, such is a typical work day for me. Talking to suppliers, arranging meetings with the owner and negotiating prices are my basic job requirements. These job requirements have improved me a lot in building better work ethics and a sense of dedication and determination towards aiming for a goal.

Good luck!
:)