Common app short answer - Fiber optics (150 words)

Three-dimensional vision has been used to awe spectators at amusement parks for years. The same technology of fiber optics has begun to enter the minute passageways of the complex human body. For the first time in my life, I observed a tiny fiberscope enter the body of a middle-aged woman through an incision. I was then directed towards an HDTV where I witnessed a complete gall bladder removal. I was fascinated that these flexible optical fibers could make possible surgery on delicate organs such as the brain and heart. At another department, I learned the amount of care and patience needed for patients suffering from leukemia and other neurological disorders. In one incident, a nurse offered an elderly woman a glass of orange juice. She scathingly refused and began spitting at her. Moments later, the nurse regained her composure and pretended to find another glass. She offered the same drink again to which the woman eagerly agreed and slowly slurped the entire glass. Such unusual experiences were common at my LGH internship.

Its 172 words. Could you critique this and help me condense it?

Um, what's the point of this essay. exactly? You start out talking about 3-D visualizations, move to a discussion of fiber optics, then jump to watching a nurse trying to feed a difficult patient. At no point do you give the reader any reason to care about any of this. Decide what you want to say with your essay, pick the element of the essay that best helps you to make this point, then get rid of the rest and expand on your chosen element.

What is the prompt that you are answering here.
and are all of these activities part of the LGH internship?
if they aren't, then I agree with EF_Sean.

Can you include the prompt and word limit?

Start with an intro sentence that captures the central truth of the essay. Three-dimensional vision has been used to awe spectators at amusement parks for years. The same technology of fiber optics has now begun to enter the minute passageways of the complex human body. Now introduce the idea of the internship you are about to describe.

For the first time in my life, I observed a tiny fiberscope enter the body of a middle-aged woman through an incision. I was then directed towards an HDTV where I witnessed a complete gall bladder removal. I was fascinated that these flexible optical fibers could make possible surgery on delicate organs such as the brain and heart. At another department, I learned the amount of care and patience needed for patients suffering from leukemia and other neurological disorders.

That's too bad you need to condense it to 150 words!! I gues you will have to cut the parts about the old lady. :)

In one incident, a nurse offered an elderly woman a glass of orange juice. She scathingly refused and began spitting at her. Moments later, the nurse regained her composure and pretended to find another glass. She offered the same drink again to which the woman eagerly agreed and slowly slurped the entire glass. Such unusual experiences were common at my LGH internship.