Common App - Person of Significance (Never hurt anyone or anything)

Tell us about a person who has influenced you in a significant way. (500 words)

"Never hurt anyone or anything in any way. Animals were given life by the same Creator that created man and just as killing or hurting a person is a horrible thing, animals should be taken into the same consideration. One who kills a man has killed the whole of humankind, so imagine what harming an animal will do. This school that you will be attending is founded by contributors from all over the world. When you purposely or even accidentally damage something and do not pay it back, you will not be able to pay the thousands of contributors later. You cannot be like everyone else nor do something bad because everyone else is doing it. Many kill, many steal, and many harm others, but that does not make it right. If you damage a stop sign that the government has put up for the safety of its people and do not fix it, then you will have stolen the right of all 300 million residents of this country. Even if no one is around to penalize you for it, He, the All-Seeing, will surely see and penalize you. Maybe not in this world, but in the next, if not out of your pocket, out of your children's, if not out of theirs, out of your grandchildren's, and so on. You must make sure not to take the rights of someone else, unless it is willingly given. Even then you must ask that person to renounces his rights on it. You must be a lot more careful and respectful now. When it comes to peers, there will be ones you can not stand being away from, but there will also be those who you can not stand being with. Whether you personally like or dislike someone, you must love them because they are a creation of God; that will take away your hate. When you are angry with someone or someone is angry with you, run and hide. RUN AND HIDE! Think about what they have done to you and give them time to think. Think if it is something that truly hurt you or something that you exaggerated? Always be the one that apologizes. Even if the person is wrong, tell them they are right and make them always feel comfortable around you. This way you will also show that you respect them. Your elders, whether one year or forty years older deserve respect. When in times of need, it is they that will help you; moreover, your consistent respect will make them more than willing to do so."

This speech, because of its delivery right before my leave from home and before my first steps towards manhood, informed me that this is what is expected of a man. I had never been given such a condensed speech, so I absorbed as much as I could. My father's speech changed my viewpoint of people, the world, and everything I have done and has made me who I am today.

I know this is a little unusual, but I thought a new strategy would turn heads.
Please check for grammar and content.

Hello Mehmet,

In my opinion (It's your choice to accept or reject), I think you only recite what your dad said in the speech. I think it'll be better for admission officers if you could SHOW how you changed.
In this essay, you only simply tell them that you changed, but you never show them.
Perhaps try describing experiences where you demonstrated your change.

The speech doesn't tell a lot about yourself. Perhaps also try to cut down on the speech. We need YOUR voice, not your father's.

Good effort, though. ;)

I agree that this will turn heads!

"Never hurt anyone or anything in any way. Animals were given life by the same Creator that created man, and just as killing or hurting a person is a horrible thing, animals should be taken into the same consideration. One who kills a man has killed the whole of humankind, so imagine what harming an animal will do. This school that you will be attending is founded by contributors from all over the world. When you purposely or even accidentally damage something and do not pay it back, you will not be able to pay the thousands of contributors later. You cannot be like everyone else nor do something bad because everyone else is doing it. Many kill, many steal, and many harm others, but that does not make it right. If you damage a stop sign that the government has put up for the safety of its people and do not fix it, then you will have stolen the right of all 300 million residents of this country. Even if no one is around to penalize you for it, He, the All-Seeing, will surely see and penalize you. Maybe not in this world, but in the next, if not out of your pocket, out of your children's, if not out of theirs, out of your grandchildren's, and so on. You must make sure not to infringe on the rights of someone else, unless their sacrifice is willingly made. Even then you must ask that person to renounces his rights on it. You must be a lot more careful and respectful now. When it comes to peers, there will be ones you cannot stand being away from, but there will also be those who you can not stand being with. Whether you personally like or dislike someone, you must love them because they are a creation of God; that will take away your hate. When you are angry with someone or someone is angry with you, run and hide. RUN AND HIDE! Think about what they have done to you and give them time to think. Think if it is something that truly hurt you or something that you exaggerated? Always be the one that apologizes. Even if the person is wrong, tell them they are right and make them always feel comfortable around you. This way you will also show that you respect them. Your elders, whether one year or forty years older deserve respect. When in times of need, it is they that will help you; moreover, your consistent respect will make them more than willing to do so."

This speech, because of its delivery right before my leave from home and before my first steps towards manhood, informed me that this is what is expected of a man. I had never been given such a condensed speech, so I absorbed as much as I could. My father's speech changed my viewpoint of people, the world, and everything I have done and has made me who I am today.

Can you capture the essence of the speech in half the words, and use the extra room to reflect more on it? Can you connect it to the philosophy behind the school to whic you are applying? I really love the message, and you should be thankful to have a father with such wisdom.