Common app Activities short essay - the International Congress on AIDS

In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer).

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Hi I'm not a 100% in my writing so anyone with any comments on grammatical errors or with any suggestions as to how i can strengthen this essay please post your comments..

I was also wondering if the flow of this essay is too rugged..

That looks like it is way too long...but the topic is definitely a unique one

I hope by unique it means it works out...thanks for the suggestion im gonna try and cut it down a bit

I was dealing with the registrations of these delegates. During this time I came across the most diverse group of people I have ever met. I was able to meet and speak to these people and learn a little about the lives they led.

Working for ICAAP put me in the midst of people whom I normally would feel very uncomfortable with, but as they were assigned to me I conferred with them and assisted them in any way I could.

Just a coupe tweaks here and there...

:)

"Care to join me later at my hotel?" was the most awkward and uncalled for question I have ever been asked. I replied with a firm but polite "NO"

Prostitutes, doctors, transvestites, social workers, and HIV/AIDS infected persons were a few of the groups of people that I was to work with for the International Congress on AIDS in Asia and the Pacific (ICAAP), which is the largest international conference to be held in Sri Lanka with a participation of over 2000 foreign delegates.

I was dealing with registrations of these delegates. In which time, I came across the most diverse group of people I have ever met. I was able to meet and speak to these people and learn a little about the lives they lead.

I also was given access to any committee room; therefore, I was able to attend many interesting and insightful seminars regarding the issues of Prostitution in India, the promotion of condoms among prostitutes, etc.

Working for ICAAP put me in the midst of people whom I normally would feel very uncomfortable with, but, as they were assigned to me, I conferred with them and assisted them in any way I could. This experience fine tuned my interpersonal skills and further enhanced my communication skills. It also enhanced my ability to work together in cooperation with others to accomplish the tasks set before me with maximum efficiency.

I must say that this is one of my favorite essays I have read thus far. It is a unique topic that definitely catchs the reader. I wanted to read the whole thing. While the essay does seem a bit long, you did put in a great deal of effort and thought in it. I would check the requirements for the essay to this college. I liked the first sentence that you used. It definitely catches the eye and the attention of the reader. I would consider saying more in this paragraph; "I also was given access to any committee room. So I was able to come across many interesting and insightful seminars regarding the likes of Prostitution in India, the promotion of condoms among prostitutes etc." I think it could use a bit more information (i.e.: how you felt hearing this issues, etc). Great job! Good luck!

I'm jealous. It sounds like this was a really amazing experience for you, and it turned into a cool topic for an essay.

It was an amazing experience and i did manage to learn a lot. Thank you very much Kevin and Constance for the input and tweaks....

"Care to join me later at my hotel?" was the most awkward and uncalled for question I have ever been asked. I replied with a polite but firm "NO". I also was given access to any committee room; therefore, I was able to come across many interesting and insightful seminars regarding the likes of Prostitution in India, the Promotion of condoms among prostitutes etc.
Prostitutes, doctors, transvestites, social workers and HIV/AIDS sufferers were few of the groups of people that I worked with for the International Congress on AIDS in Asia and the Pacific (ICAAP); which was the largest International conference to be held in Sri Lanka with a participation of over 2000 foreign delegates.
I was dealing with the registration of these delegates, and as a result came across the most diverse group of people I have ever met. I was able to meet and speak to these people and learn a little about the lives they led.
Working for ICAAP put me in the midst of people whom I normally would feel very uncomfortable with, but since they were assigned to me I conferred with them and assisted them in any way I could. This experience fine tuned my inter-personal skills and further enhanced my communication skills. It also enhanced my ability to work together in cooperation with others to accomplish the tasks set before me with maximum efficiency.
But perhaps the most important thing it made me realize is the truth behind the phrase "people fear what they do not understand". While most HIV/AIDS victims are still shunned around the globe, being in the same room with them, conversing with them and seeing the world through their eyes for a change I was able to truly appreciate the fact that they aren't a threat to those they are in contact with. I understood the need for human beings to be compassionate and tolerant and, I believe, became a better person because of this experience.

>>>>>>>>This is my revised version of the essay. This is for the common App (the activities question) do you think the word limit will be a big problem. There are 330 words.

Thanks to everyone for their valuable feed back

This is amazing!
...But the word limit will be a problem because colleges will feel that you cannot follow directions since it says 150 words or fewer...hmmm maybe you can add it in the additional info section b.c that can be 2000 characters.. but then you'll have to write another short answer..so nevermind..