Columbia Personal Essay (a sense of who you are)

Here is the prompt for my admissions essay:
Write an essay which conveys to the reader a sense of who you are. Possible topics may include, but are not limited to, experiences which have shaped your life, the circumstances of your upbringing, your most meaningful intellectual achievement, the way you see the world - the people in it, events great and small, everyday life - or any personal theme which appeals to your imagination. Please remember that we are concerned not only with the substance of your prose but with your writing style as well. We prefer that you limit yourself to approximately 250-500 words (or 1-2 pages).


Here is the essay:

REMOVED

Can you edit my essay and see if give me pointers. Is this essay too general, any errors, pr any problems involving the essay related to the prompt?
Waiting for reply... thanks

i think this essay is pretty good..

Thanks, are there any errors you see or problems in my essay?

I would like my legacy to be that I helped as many people as I can and became positive person in the environment
I would like people to remember me as a helpfull person and become a positive element in the society.

your essay is good!best of luck!

I am satisfied when I am doing something constructive and fulfilling.

These ideas influence my life and continually guide me as I move forward. They urge me to accept challenges, find things to do that benefit the world, and make decisions that involve my ideas of life.

Choices and desires are two things that will always affect me and whatever I do, it involves making a decision.

I am prepared to accept any challenges that come my way.When someone asks for help I take that request as an opportunity to learn something.


I would like my legacy to be that I helped as many people as I could, and became positive person in the environment.


My goal is to do positive things for the environment so that others can benefit because I benefited from that same environment and I would like others to have that advantage.


Good essay, and good luck in school!

:)

NEW ESSAY
Here is the NEW essay:
I believe that I am a dedicated, intelligent, and ambitious person. I am satisfied when I am doing something constructive that fulfills my time without wasting one nanosecond. These ideas influence my life and continually guide me as I move forward. They urge me to go for challenges and easily adapt to the changes that happen in life.
I think that I am the architect and engineer of my life. If I do something productive, then my life is filled with experiences that I will never regret. It is the choices and the desires to do certain things that make up my life and determine where I go. Choice and desires are two things that will always affect me and whatever I do, it involves making a decision. When deciding on a career goal, I saw my future in civil engineering because it involves my idea of infusing my life with productive things. My ambition and dedication to productivity drive me towards an engineering career. With these ideas, I continue to face many challenges which enable me to dedicate my life to doing my best. I am prepared to accept any challenges that anyone gives. When someone asks for help I take that request as an opportunity to learn something. Even if whatever I am given is something that is completely new to me, I try to accomplish that task because if I help, I will get an experience that I could not get if I turned down that challenge. I have no boundaries to the tasks that I can complete because with anything, no matter how difficult, I will always do the best I can. With these qualities of dedication, intelligence, and ambition I am deciding in applying to Columbia University.
After looking throughout the campus of Columbia University from website photos and a visit there, I saw that this is the perfect college for me to continue towards an engineering profession. Columbia is the archetype of engineering and contemporary education. It is very accessible to students through the benefits of it being in an urban setting. It is an institution providing education in many perspectives. It is one of the few engineering colleges in this thriving environment of New York City. I would like to continue my path of a constructive life through an education of academic and social diversity. I believe that in New York I am able to the most ideas of engineering possible from various perspectives from Columbia. It is my desire that from this institution I will not only have five senses, but another sense which comes from an education at Columbia University of New York City. This is the sense of the advanced knowledge only obtained from Columbia, which enable to me will become a great asset to the world.


Can someone please edit my new essay, check through it and see if it is better than the older essay? Any corrections or problems?