500 characters NYU Supplement responses - need help with reviewing!

Please help me with grammar and content~ i also need some help with cutting down characters in the second response, your help is greatly appreciated!! :)

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[b]Describe a trait or characteristic that has been passed along to you by your family. Tell us why you like or dislike this aspect of yourself.

My parents are meticulous folks.Under their influence,I developed the mindset of a perfectionist.In middle school,I'd spend hours rehearsing a short speech.In high school,I find it hard to let go of essays like this one.My search for utopia is exhausting since there is no destination.But in my mindset,things can become perfect through perseverance.With this mentality,I developed an determined attitude that can lead to encouraging results,but behind smiles of achievement,sweats alway accompany.

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New York City is an essential element of academic and cultural life at NYU. If you could engage in an activity or start a club or service organization at NYU, what would it be and how would you envision it impacting the larger community?

I love playing with kids. Their laughter purifies me and brings back the long lost memories when I can once laugh so light heartedly too. All of a sudden, my brain would degenerate and I'd run and laugh like them, call me childish. If I have the honor to study in NYU, I will work with other laughing enthusiasts to return laughter to bedridden children in hospitals and confined teenagers in centers or anyone that needs a little uplift of facial muscles. New York City is so fast paced that it doesn't allow people to slow down and reflect on what they have lost growing up. This service brings back the most treasured asset in childhood – pure laughter that is coming from the bottom of one's heart.

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You have been selected to sing in a talent show. What song would you choose? Why?

No matter how nervous I feel,butterflies in my stomach disappear when I see my grandmother's smile in the audience.Nothing can stop her from coming to support on such occasions she says.Recently she left me, but I know she will still be listening from above.So I will sing her favorite song "Glory" to express my deepest gratitude.It is in Mandarin,so for once she needn't someone to translate what I'm saying on stage."Thank you for the glory you gave me,I must bow to you...",here goes the song...

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Please tell us what led you to select your anticipated academic program and/or NYU school/college, and what interests you most about your intended discipline.

Despite loving TV and video games like other kids,I also grew up enjoying selling things to people.Over the years,my unique childhood penchant developed into a deep interest in Marketing as I'm exposed to more business knowledge.Marketing,being human related, is what initially provoked my interest.How marketing strategies like pricing,branding and packaging can manipulate consumer behavior is another aspect that left me feeling eager to learn more of this interesting concept of marketing.

I loved your idea about laughters in the second one:)

->"Their laughter purifies me and brings back the long lost memories of my own light-hearted laugh."
->"pure laughter coming from the bottom of one's heart."

I agree with gractm; your celebration of laughter is excellent.

I took away "call me childish," because it was not necessary. Does that get you within the character limit?

I love playing with kids. Their laughter purifies me and brings back the long lost memories when I can once laugh so lightheartedly too. All of a sudden, my brain would degenerate and I'd run and laugh like them. If I have the honor of studying at study in NYU, I will work with other laughing enthusiasts to return laughter to bedridden children in hospitals and teenagers confined in centers or anyone that needs a little uplift of facial muscles. New York City is so fast paced that it doesn't allow people to slow down and reflect on what they have lost growing up. This service brings back the most treasured asset in childhood – pure laughter that is coming from the bottom of one's heart.

No matter how nervous I feel, the butterflies in my...

I see that you do not always put a space after periods, commas, etc. Maybe that is so that you stay within the character count? You should add a space to those places..

:)

I also grew up enjoying selling things to people... :) You seem like a cool person.

Thank you so much Gracetm and Kevin!! any comment on the content of 1st and 3rd response? :)

Here is one more:

It is in Mandarin, so for once she did not need anyone to translate what I'm saying on stage.

(if you write "needn't" it means "she does not need to")

This is good stuff. "Meticulous folks" and the image of a grandmother's smile are great for the reader. You write with great imagery.